Looper Mayhem!
by Chris Oddland
Summary: Just a plain weird and sometimes disturbing collection of time loop fic snippets.
1. Beginning with a Bang!

Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina.

_Inspired by the fic writer Andrew Joshua Talon posting his own timeloop fic snippets from the Fanfiction Forum, this demented fic writer decided to follow suit due to his personal muse having trouble inspiring him._

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Looper Mayhem!

1.

Keitaro smiled as he gazed at the Hinata-sou through his military-grade binoculars and kept the laser targeting sight on the building.

A few seconds later a missile crashed into the inn-turned-dormitory and a monstrous detonation erupted followed by a mushroom cloud hanging over the air.

"Yep, worth every penny!" he commented as the nuclear bunker buster made short work out of those unfortunate enough to be close to the blast.

Joining ExOps and being mentored by Mattias Nilsson maybe wasn't such a good idea, but what the heck! The time loop would return everything to what it was before.

* * *

_Author's notes: With this snippet I began the beginning of Postal Keitaro, one of the looper incarnations of Keitaro Urashima who has a tendency to go postal when all the strain gets to him. He's my recurring looper snippet personality._


	2. Blasting things in the name of Science!

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina or any other stuff that's crossovered in these timeloop snippets._

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Looper Mayhem!

2.

_In the Heiney Institue of Monster Research up in the mountains somewhere..._

"Professor Heiney! A monster is attacking!"

"I love this job!" Keitaro laughed in glee as he pulled the lever as Professor Heiney gave the word to fire.

He just couldn't get enough of zapping monsters into smoking disoriented atomic matter. He practically replayed this time loop too many times to count.

* * *

Author's notes: I always loved that scene from that Freakazoid episode.


	3. Dabbling in the Occult!

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina or the Cthulhu Mythos for that matter..._

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Looper Mayhem!

3.

Being trapped in the time loop for the time being, didn't seem to affect his mental health yet. At least now hiding as he was in a comic book store filled with manga, translated Korean manwha and western comic books he could kill time by reading through all of it.

Now he just had to wait until time reset itself considering that the police, Narusegawa and Kitsune was after him for cutting the brakes of Seta's van and loosening one of the wheels...

(Maybe I should try to learn Hangul and how to speak Korean so that I can read Unbalance X Unbalance in it's native language). Keitaro Urashima thought.

He then remembered something that was better left unread

Iä _Yog-Sothoth_

_Yog-Sothoth knows the gate.  
Yog-Sothoth is the gate.  
Yog-Sothoth is the key and guardian of the gate.  
Past, present, future, all are one in Yog-Sothoth_

Maybe he shouldn't have read that transcripted spell from the Greek Necronomicon, it certainly would have saved him from ending up in his personal Groundhog Day timeloop scenario.

* * *

_Author's notes: This was actually my first timeloop snippet, but I decided to post some of my earlier funny ones first._


	4. Questions and Statements

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina and I'm only writing these fanfiction time loop snippets for my own twisted amusement._

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Looper Mayhem!

4.

_There are some things you should never ask, completely taboo to utter. But being stuck in a time loop had given him time to think about things.  
_  
"Have you ever tried antidepressants?" He once had recommended to Narusegawa, resulting in him getting a foot up his privates and his jaw dislocated.

"Ever considered a sex change?" He also once remarked to Motoko-chan, ending with him carjacking Seta's van in order to escape with his life.

"Why haven't you been deported out of the country yet?" Keitaro once said as Su-chan was re-enacting the laser death trap scene from Goldfinger...

"Why don't you get a proper job, you bum!" Kitsune was taken aback by that answer, but later took revenge by cooking up a wild story of him molesting her to Motoko and Naru.

"You really are a cold-hearted witch, you know that?" Haruka Urashima hadn't taken kindly to her relative's harsh words and had pulled out a gun.

"It says here that your driving permit's expired six months ago." Keitaro said to Seta as they sped to another scatterbrained adventure, resulting in the archaeologist not paying too much attention to where they were going and hit the front of bullet train head on.

"They're just dying to meet you, Sarah-chan!" he had said as he threw the tied-up Sarah MacDougal into a fish tank filled with hammerhead sharks. He got the death penalty for that.

It made him happy about time resetting itself...

* * *

_Author's notes: It makes me wonder if this looper incarnation of Keitaro is Postal Keitaro or another Keitaro who's beginning to snap..._


	5. Tank you very much!

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina._

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Looper Mayhem!

5.

"Full speed, ahead!" Keitaro ordered the driver.

"Yes, sir" the driver responded.

"Is the gun ready to fire?" he questioned the gunner.

"HEAT round is loaded, sir!" the gunner replied.

"Good, 'cause the target's in sight!" he stated as he peered through the periscope. Funny how being stuck in a time loop would lead to experimentation on how much havoc he could create.

The faculty and students of Tokyo University never knew what hit them as a T-72 main battle tank covered with anarchist symbols opened fire with its 125 mm tank gun upon the building while it's co-axial machine gun spewed leaden death.

(I always wanted to try being a radical anarchist.) Keitaro thought.

* * *

_Author's notes: Postal Keitaro rides again, literally in a tank to be specific._


	6. Burning Down the House, Literally

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina_

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Looper Mayhem!

6.

"Can't any of you do the CPR yourselves?" Keitaro asked them in disbelief as he looked hesitatingly upon Shinobu's seemingly unconscious form in the hot springs. (I hate this time loop!)

Somehow in the end they did manage to coerce him into doing it, though it seemed very OOC of them to do so, considering that the highest probability was that they would've usually labelled him a lustful beast of a pervert.

As his lips approached those of Shinobu's, her eyes snapped open. And with a sudden shriek she buried her foot in his privates.

Days later the newspaper reported a story of a male manager in a girl's dormitory drowning a young girl in the hot springs and throwing plugged-in toasters and radios into the hot spring for good measure while the others also were there. Then he burned down the dormitory and the nearby teahouse and threw himself upon the burning inn-turned-dormitory as if it was a makeshift funeral pyre.

* * *

_Author's notes: Someone was displeased that Shinobu didn't fall directly victim to the rampages of Postal Keitaro and I therefore decided to indulge that person._


	7. The Baring of Hearts

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina, etc.,ect._

_Why do I feel like an utter moron for writing this piece of WAFFINESS?_ _ I decide to make a twist and make Naru the looper for once, or that Keitaro's looped into a timeline where this Naru's a looper as well. _

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Looper Mayhem!

7.

"You know what!" Naru shouted at him. "You are the most pitiful, pathetic excuse of a man I've ever set my eyes on - but goddamit! You're the pitiful, pathetic excuse of a man that I **love!**

Naru then grabbed Keitaro and gave him a passionate soulful kiss that made his knees buckle in ecstacy. He felt even weaker as she proceeded to smother his face with fiery kisses as well as muzzle his neck.

People at the airport just stared in disbelief at what they just saw.

Seta Noriyasu whistled as he looked impressed at the girl embracing the part-timer

"...A-And you **can't stop me** from going with you to America.." she then managed to gasp out. "Someone's got to watch your back after all. And I'll crush anyone in my wake who even tries to harm a hair on your head!"

Inside Naru Narusegawa felt a swell of pride. For once in this time loop she'd mustered enough reserves of courage to expose her love for Keitaro for others to hear. Now at least she felt she had done some penance for the times she had messed up those rare, precious moments with him like when he bared his heart to her at the hospital...

(Is it just me or is Naru unlike her usual self in this loop?) Keitaro thought, but then smiled sheepishly. (This ain't so bad after all.)

* * *

_Author's notes: Don't you ever wish that this was what Naru should've done in the first place?_


	8. Unwanted Harem

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina. I'm just a demented individual writing demented looper fics for my amusement._

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Looper Mayhem!

8.

It was bad enough with him being a looper.

That the other girls also had become loopers was like adding more fuel to the fire. Considering that the rivalry had become more active and had escalated.

When he had had boarded the train to Kyoto after his third failure, he never expected that the other girls than Naru had boarded the train with them at the same time. The most surprising thing was that Motoko had hit on him while his glasses were damaged (courtesy of one of the girls) and Kitsune had offered him the ride of his life if he wanted to frequent the bars of Kyoto with her. Mutsumi had acted more alluring than she usually did when they met.

That the other story arcs had gotten messed up beyond repair due to the free-for-all to win his heart was an understatement. It almost ended with a Nice Boat on crack ending hadn't he threatened to kill himself to stop them from committing homicide on each other.

Worst of all was that when he met Sarah for the first in this timeline, she instead of tormenting him had tried to get in his pants.

Several misadventure chapters later Keitaro sighed as he lay tired as hell in the immense bed with the rest of the girls (even Sarah) lying around him without a stitch of clothes under the bedsheets. All them seemed to be sleeping peacefully with a smile on their faces.

"What the hell did I get myself into..." he whispered.

He certainly hoped that Haitani and Shirai would borrow him money for a one-way ticket to North Korea.

* * *

_Author's notes: Making all the girls loopers and having them vie for a looper Kietaro's affections can be fun, no?_


	9. Dabbling in the Occult! 2

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina or the Ctuhlhu Mythos for that matter, even if I do sometimes wish that I did own the Cthulhu Mythos.._

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Looper Mayhem!

9.

"...Ummm... Seta, I don't think it was a very good idea of you to fish out the box with the Shining Trapzohedron inside of it." Keitaro advised the archaeologist. "Just whatever you do: don't **open it** and don't **close it again** after **opening** it!"

"Whatever you say, part-timer," Seta said with a smile and reached for the lid.

Minutes later Seta's van was seen speeding out of Hinata with Keitaro behind the wheel and all the girls as passengers.

Meeting his unfortunate end in an earlier timeline at the hands of the Haunter of the Dark along with the rest, had made him skittish and wary of all ancient relics Seta dug up.

* * *

_Author's notes: Most CoC players know that opening strange boxes is very unhealthy for your investigator PC._


	10. How to Travel Cheaply

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina. Who knows what terrible things would've happened if I actually did!_

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Looper Mayhem!

10.

"Are you sure about this, Urashima?" Motoko asked her manager reluctantly.

"Of course I am, Motoko-chan. Just fire away when you're ready." Keitaro answered as he strapped on his re-inforced suitcase.

"If you say so, but I have my doubts."

Motoko raised her sword upwards gathering energy. And she shrieked out the words Hiken Zankusen and brought her blade down, unleashing a powerful shockwave that sent Keitaro Urashima hurtling into the air.

Minutes later Keitaro was seen streaking towards the cram school building and crashed through walls and roofs until he crash-landed into his usual studying seat.

"O-Owwww!" Keitaro groaned in a pained daze. "But least it saves some travelling expenses!"

At least this was safer than surfing on a disarmed cruise missile towards Okinawa like he did in another timeloop, just to see how much money he could save by taking unorthodox travel methods.

Meanwhile Naru looked shocked at Motoko. "Did he actually ask you to launch him somewhere?"

* * *

_Author's notes: At least he's trying to save money that way._


	11. Taking to the Skies!

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina. That's probably a great relief for myself and others..._

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Looper Mayhem!

11.

As a result of having undergone multiple head trauma throughout too many timeloops than he could remember, Keitaro wasn't quite himself in a handful of timeloops.

To make a long story short he decided to go postal.

And you know what's worse than going postal through the halls and corridors of Tokyo U with a Type 69 RPG copy of a RPG-7?

The answer is going postal in a Mi-24 Hind armed to the teeth.

"Dasvidaniya!" Keitaro laughed madly as he opened fire on the teahouse near the Hinata-sou. Seconds later several living, burning torches were seen running screaming from the area.

"I love you, Babushka!" he purred affectionately to his helicopter.

"Myuh!" his co-pilot Tama chirped with a sweatdrop on her brow.

And then Keitaro in his beloved Mi-24 named Babushka proceeded to blow other stuff up.

Several time loops later Keitaro wondered how he could possibly have snapped like that, but then remembered the place he lived and the people he lived with. Still he missed Babushka though, she was a nice piece of machinery.

* * *

_Author's notes: Postal Keitaro is at it again._


	12. Join the Joyride!

_Disclaimer: If I did own Love Hina would I actually be writing these crazy time loop snippets? Probably not, but then again I don't own it whatsoever._

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Looper Mayhem!

12.

In this time loop an unusual paradox occurred.

Urashima Keitaro and Narusegawa Naru, both time loopers decided to go Bonnie and Clyde and take it to the next level.

Somehow managing to steal a fully equipped M1A2 Abrams, they along with their gunner Kaolla Su and their loader Mitsune "Kitsune" Konno robbed one of the foremost banks in Tokyo.

The MBT named War Pig by its former tank crew and sporting various images of P-Chan on its hull crushed cars in its path as the 120 mm tank gun blasted a Type 90 MBT with an M829 APFSDS round.

"Yahoo!" Naru the tank commander shouted with glee. "Scratch one sucker Great job, Su-chan!"

"No problemo!" Su chirped gleefully. "Another AFSDS, loader!"

"Coming right up." Mitsune answered.

"Where to now, honey?" Keitaro questioned his beloved as he turned a corner.

"Wherever fate may take us, darling." Naru simply responded.

* * *

_Author's notes: Maybe I shouldn't have been watching those Call of Duty 4 clips..._


	13. It's a Mad, Mad World! 1 of 5

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina or any of the characters that I'm using for my twisted amusement._

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Looper Mayhem!

13.

Part I of V

Under normal conditions people would wonder how a certain human cannonball known to people in Hinata as Urashima Keitaro (or the dumb guy living in the nuthouse) managed to steal a Mitsubishi Type 89 IFV with his two friends. But since the current condition was them going on a joyride through the streets of Tokyo, while blasting away with the vehicle's autocannon and anti-tank missiles while occasionally spraying lead with its co-axial machine gun, people didn't have time to wonder - they ran for their lives.

In this time loop Haitani and Shirai had failed their exams, remaining ronin yet again, and were suffering from an all-time low. Keitaro who saw the opportunity in taking advantage of their vulnerable condition convinced them to join him in his usual postal rampages when he entered a time loop very less stable than usual.

"No one calls me fat!" Shirai shrieked as he let off another burst from the autocannon, and then burst into sobbing, maddening laughter.

"What happened?" Keitaro asked Haitani.

"Don't ask, Keitaro! You're better off not knowing at all." Haitani replied.

Keitaro considered never again to recruit a mentally unbalanced Kimiaki Shirai to his cause in other time loops unless he went really crazy and wanted someone equally crazy on his side.

"By the way: why did you tie up the girls on the front of the Type 89 as improvised armour?" Haitani had a puzzled look when Keitaro had done this outrageous act.

"I've never done it before." Keitaro mumbled and flashed an evil smile.

Narusegawa Naru, Konno Mitsune, Aoyama Motoko and Su Kaolla had looks of panicked horror as their taped mouths struggled to cry out as the Type 89 reached a military blockade while they were tied to the front.

And naturally the Type 89 went in guns blazing...

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_Author's notes: Ironically this was just meant to be a one-shot Postal Keitaro snippet, but when several people on the Fanfiction Forum wondered where Shinobu and Sarah were I got struck by a spark of sudden madness and decided to make something that I first regarded as a one-shot tasteless joke continuation. And sadly enough even to me that like Frankenstein's monster it got a life of its own._


	14. It's a Mad, Mad World! 2 of 5

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina or any of the other pieces of fiction referenced in this disturbing snippet that I still don't understand why I wrote..._

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Looper Mayhem!

14.

Part II of V

While Keitaro, Haitani and Shirai where rampaging with a stolen IFV armed to the teeth and with most of the girls strapped to the front as improvised armour, the two remaining girls of the Hinata-sou were in a quite different situation.

In the kitchen of the Hinata-sou a small, naked form lay tied on the kitchen table with a gag in her mouth to keep her from crying for help. Soon she heard her captor approach whistling a happy tune.

Sarah MacDougal cried flows of salty tears from her eyes as Shinobu Maehara approached her while sharpening a kitchen knife with a sharpening steel.

"Soon, my little lamb Amirstan. Soon." Shinobu whispered wickedly as she eyed the little blonde girl hungrily. Sarah who lay on the improvised slaughter bench emitted stiffled howls of horror knowing what fate would befall her.

The young Shinobu Maehara who was also a looper in this time loop had arrived from another loop where she had been tutored by quite gentlemanly cannibals like Hannibal Lecter and had turned out to be a quite devious little cannibal chef.

Shinobu put on her apron and said: "I always wondered what you tasted like."

She had prepared and eaten her Urashima-sempai in her earlier loop after he spurned her advances in the favour of Naru-sempai. He was quite tough and stringy to chew, but at least he became a part of her in a sick, sick way that made her body tingle in devilish delight.

* * *

_Author's notes: Sometimes you tend to wonder if your mind can have a life of its own, considering that I wrote this quite tasteless joke about a looper incarnation of Shinobu Maehara turning into a psychotic cannibal chef and having other cannibals like Hannibal Lecter as one of her teachers. Maybe I shouldn't have listened to the Fear On Four radio adaptation of The Speciality of the House by Stanley Ellin._

_And most ironic of all - one of the other members asked me to continue, and I decided for some unknown reason to indulge him. Maybe I should've politely declined. That way Cannibal Shinobu would've fallen into obscurity and never been posted on this site if it hadn't been for the other fanfiction writer Andrew Joshua Talon who for some reason unknown to me posted his Cannibal Shinobu loop snippet on this site, and probably received a massive backlash for it. Considering the fact that my snippet inspired him to write just one snippet, I guess I have to take some of the blame for starting this whole mess in the first place._


	15. It's a Mad, Mad World! 3 of 5

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina, and sometimes I feel like banging my head against the wall for coming up with this snippet "concept"..._

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Looper Mayhem!

15.

Part III of V

"Chilled Haruka brains!" Shinobu Maehara declared mock-dramatically to herself with a faux accent.

She pulled up the top of Haruka Urashima's frozen, decapitated head by the hair revealing that the little cannibal chef was to gorge herself on a meal or technically dessert, that would be graphically unappetizing for people reading this, with a simple spoon.

Haruka's beautiful face had the appearance of a woman dying in great pain with her eyes and mouth wide open. The rest of Haruka Urashima was in the freezer, to be saved for other recipes.

The Hinata teahouse close to the girl's dormitory had been turned into quite the teahouse of grotesque and inhuman horror by the time looper and serial killer cannibal Shinobu Maehara who had earlier made an exquisite meal out of the American girl Sarah MacDougal, but still hungered for more human flesh and the different flavour that came with each victim she butchered.

(Now I just have to wait for Seta-san to show up.) She thought excitedly.

* * *

Shinobu Maehara uttered a sigh of morbid ecstacy as she she popped the spoon containing frozen grey matter into her tiny mouth, chewing it slowly as if to get the most enjoyment of every spoonful. She then dug the spoon into the opened upper head of the owner of the Hinata teahouse, scraping up more of her grisly dessert. But a few spoonfuls later Shinobu began pouring chocolate and vanilla sauce into the opened head to make the taste even sweeter.

The little maniac time looper and cannibal began reminiscing about what had taken place here in this place of eagerly embraced madness and human degradation.

_The teahouse had been closed for the day and Haruka Urashima was busy looking over some papers when the tiny girl Shinobu Maehara had stormed through the entry door while sobbing and crying uncontrollably. When she flung herself into Haruka's arms, the older woman saw that she had bruises and scratches on her face, neck, legs and hands._

Wailing the little girl told her a dire tale about her Sempai taking her against her will by force and using her for his cynical enjoyment and infernal lusts for the pleasures of the flesh.

Haruka who normally wore a mask of icy calm for the world to see had now a face of livid anger. Repressing the urge to find her handgun and blow her relative's brains out she walked over to the phone to call the police.

That was when Shinobu struck!

Haruka Urashima who had turned her back to the crying girl felt sudden pain as something was thrust viciously into her back.

Falling to the floor she managed to turn her head to see the face of her attacker. She saw Shinobu Maehara smiling sweetly as she held a kitchen knife stained with caked blood and new blood, her mask of a tearful, hurt girl fallen off as it it never was there.

Then sudden realization struck the heavily wounded older woman, for the scratches, judging from their size and form couldn't have been done by Keitaro!

She took this thought with her to the grave as Shinobu began cutting her up slowly and methodically.

It took Haruka almost an hour to die, and every second she would pray to whatever deity she knew of for the embrace of death. When her wish finally came true and she left her painful existence, her murderer just looked disappointed that her future meal didn't last longer.

Then taking a hacksaw, Shinobu removed the head of the corpse and found a frying pan and fried the bleeding stump and then lay it with the rest of her cut up body in the freezer...

Oh how she loved using her mask of youth and innocence as a tool in the service of deception and murder.

She fingered the loaded gun on the counter beside her meal, having figured out where the safety was.

Soon Seta would become her next meal...

* * *

_Author's notes: I decided to merge two short snippets into one. The guy who requested that I continue told me that he wanted more details since the first snippet I came with here was too vague with the killing, preparation and eating part and that he was looking forwards for more. Then I made the second one._

_Sometimes I wonder if I'm really messed up for writing this... _


	16. It's a Mad, Mad World! 4 of 5

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina. And sometimes I wonder what really went through my head when I thought up this time looper fic "concept"..._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

16.

Part IV of V

_When Seta Noriyasu neared the entrance of the Hinata teahouse how little did he expect the horrors that would soon come and who would be his angel of death..._

Holding a bouquet of roses meant for a certain Haruka Urashima who held a special place in his heart and a small packet for his beloved adopted daughter Sarah MacDougal, he stepped inside hoping in his heart to better his relationship with her. Lord knows how many fights they had when they were younger.

What he saw when he looked at the counter was an inhuman sight that froze the blood in his very veins.

Behind the counter sat the little tenant Shinobu Maehara gorging herself on the upper contents of a head. When his eyes focused he gave out a yell of surprise as the horrible realization of the head with it's features etched in pain was that of his beloved while chocolate and vanilla sauce mixed with grey matter dribbled down the dead woman's chin.

_He had faced ruthless graverobbers, malicious rival archaeologists willing to kill others of their trade for the prize they had set their sight on, sinister cults planning to pave the way for doomsday, Angry South Korean commandos-for-hire paid to kill him for accidentally destroying an archaeological find in South Korea while scuffling with a rival archaeologist in the paid services of North Korea, Haruka after finding that picture of him tipsy and posing with four exotic beauties (even though he didn't do anything with them afterwards). But nothing had prepared him for this foe._

He dropped his gifts in shock and disgust. Then the little girl pulled up a pistol and fired. Three shots erupted from the weapon, all of them striking the archaeologist right in the chest. Seta fell on his back, feeling inhuman pain in his chest.

"Haruka-san was no fun since she didn't last that long," Shinobu cooed sweetly as if she was just an innocent schoolgirl trying to sweet-talk the teacher not to punish her for being late. "But I bet you'll be much more **fun!**"

The words from the girl sent a chill up Seta's spine, almost blocking out the pain.

Shinobu just smiled cutely as she lay the handgun back on the counter and slowly approached him like a cat who had cornered a mouse.

Since sempai had taken all of the other girls for a "ride", she had to do with what she could get. So after crossing Naru-sempai, Motoko-sempai, Kitsune and Su-chan off, Seta and Mutsumi-sempai were next on her food list. And since she had Seta now, Mutsumi could wait for a day or two. And besides the last time time she ate Mutsumi-sempai alive in another loop she had given her an indigestion.

From the pocket of her apron she produced a blood-stained, blood-caked kitchen knife.

"Oh, poor, poor Seta-san! I think I have to dig those bullets out of you!"

"W-Where's Sarah!" Seta demanded looking at the small girl towering over him with fury and fear.

Shinobu just gave off that sickeningly sweet smile of hers and patted her belly. "She's fine. She became a part of me a few hours ago - that she did my little lamb Amirstan."

Before Seta had any time to react with his remaining strength the little murderer was upon him, digging the the point of her knife into one of his bullet wounds. Then Seta experienced pain as the petite cannibal chef's other victims had done when she clumsily and slowly attempted to carve out the bullets, eating all the pieces of flesh stuck on the knife in front of his dying eyes as if she was nibbling a delicacy.

When Seta gave out his last breath as Shinobu fished out his kidneys and liver, the girl had that sinister sweet smile on her face and kissed the blood-stained organs.

"Beautiful," was the words she whispered in wonder. She then took a small bite out of each of them with her white teeth, and moaned as the sensation stimulated her tastebuds while she chewed softly.

Seta had at least lasted a while longer than Haruka did while she worked like an artist trying to make a piece of masterful art of his living body.

A happy feeling filled the core of her tiny body as she went to fetch a wok and other kitchen utensils.

Maybe she could also get to eat Urashima-sempai this time as well...

* * *

_Author's notes: This snippet came some time after Andrew Joshua Talon tried his hand at Cannibal Shinobu, and I became a bit inspired by the graphic detail he used to make Cannibal Shinobu even more scary than I could ever write her to be._


	17. It's a Mad, Mad World! 5 of 5

_Disclaimer: I do not own Love Hina. And sometimes I question how many sanity points I still have left. Seems like I've failed too many sanity checks lately._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

17.

Part V of V

_Three figures staggered up the steps leading to the Hinata-sou while dragging a huge sack. Their clothes were torn and singed while they themselves looked like they've been in a warzone..._

"I told you that sooner or later those military blockades would fire back despite those strapped-on girls - but nooo, you just had to charge in blindly!" Masayuki Haitani growled sourly at his "friend" Keitaro Urashima who had instigated a rampage through Tokyo with a stolen Mitsubishi Type 89 IFV with them as his accomplices.

"How could I know that they had mobilized gunships then?" Keitaro whined self-pitingly.

"Well, hello! We did drive around blasting everything that came in our way while running over old ladies and all that stuff!"

While they bickered they were suddenly interrupted by the creepy sounds coming their third companion.

"Hehehehe!" Kimiaki Shirai tittered madly. "Their screams... **Their screams...** It's like music to my ears!"

Needless to say both Keitaro and Haitani distanced themselves a bit from their chuckling companion.

"Keitaro, never let Shirai get close to weapons again, ever!" Haitani stated to his fellow ronin.

"I agree!" Keitaro answered.

"No one will call me fat again! They fear me now!" Shirai continued raving insanely to himself, resulting in his two companions distancing themselves more from him than before.

Approaching the teahouse the haggard band tried entering the small building but found it locked much to their chagrin.

"Damn!" Keitaro swore. "the teahouse's locked!" He then looked in the direction of the girl's dormitory. "I think we can hide in all those hidden underground corridors before getting out of the country."

"By the way: why the hell are you pulling a bag filled with all that remains of the girls!" Haitani questioned him finally with a look of disgust as they finished the last step up.

"Mementos," Keitaro stated simply with a dismissive shrug. Then he remembered something and looked at Haitani and said: "I think I saw Seta's van parked back there, so maybe we can ask Seta to drive us out somewhere where we can reach safety!"

"Do you honestly think Seta's gonna help us after all we've done?" Haitani gave him a look of complete disbelief.

"I'm sure Seta will understand - he's always so understanding after all." Keitaro argumented.

"Whatever you say but I've a bad feeling about this." Haitani sighed.

When the three entered the Hinata-sou they couldn't help but feel puzzled about the trails of blood leading into the kitchen.

"Your handiwork?" Haitani asked Keitaro.

"Nope!" was the reply he got from the young manager.

"It's beautiful!" Shirai cried out with tears of joy in his eyes.

(And I thought I was the sociopath here!) Keitaro remarked mentally to himself.

When they managed to see the dinner table they were quite uncomfortable at what their eyes saw.

The faces of Sarah and Seta filled with grimaces of pain while various dishes prepared of what they guessed was human places lay spread on the table. Keitaro even shuddered when he saw Haruka's head with its lid open and a spoon sticking out of it.

"I thought you boys'd be hungry after your little adventure." A familiar voice said as its owner appeared from another door.

The three just stood there paralyzed, uncertain and confused about what was happening and that that little person of all people could commit such manslaughter and desecration.

Shinobu Maehara skipped gleefully over to the other time looper and peered into the opening of the sack. She gasped, marvelling in delight and stuck her hand in and pulled out pieces of a human shoulder.

"I always wanted a cold shoulder." Shinobu uttered eagerly as she gazed adoringly and sweetly at the bronze-skinned shoulder-piece that was all that was left of her friend Kaolla Su. Keitaro and his friends looked on in shock as Shinobu took a cute bite out of said shoulder.

She then relieved Keitaro of his bag and dragged it back to the kitchen with her.

"Just enjoy what's on the table while I prepare the others!" Shinobu gave them a cute, innocent smile that belied the sinister nature hidden beneath her tiny frame.

And then the three just shrugged and joined the petite cannibal chef in her feast of human degeneration and morbidity. After all why not make themselves part of another crime after all they've done.

Days later the media, news and authorities were inquiring of the whereabouts of four demented, twisted, inhuman maniacs guilty of a lot of stomach-churning evil.

_Needless to say a __**shoot**__ to __**kill**__**on sight**__ policy was authorized... _

* * *

_Author's notes: Finally that's over and done with! I guess that Cannibal Shinobu is one of my greatest sins committed as a bad fanfiction writer when it comes to time looper snippets. And for some reason I believe that I can see a multitude of torches and pitchforks closing in from the distance in my direction... Unintentionally creating a monster tends to do that often._


	18. Dancing in the Moonlight

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina or anything else that inspired this snippet, which is probably more pleasant for people to read than my five earlier ones..._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

18.

* * *

Soft music played through the night sky surrounding the girl's dormitory known as the Hinata-sou, a former inn.

The full moon shone with a pale, red glow, illuminating the two dancing slowly on the rooftop.

Keitaro Urashima, the young manager.

Kaolla Su, the girl from the mysterious island nation Molmol, now transformed into a young woman by the glow of the red moon.

Both were dressed in the nicest clothes they could find. Keitaro in a formal, white suit. Kaolla in one of her most finest and exotic Molmolian dresses meant for formal events.

The two danced like lovers without a care in the world.

Keitaro with his newfound ability that was the ero-vision could see that the girl in his arms held no fear of falling to her death, knowing somewhere deep inside that he would do everything in his power to save her. He could also see *ahem* more intimate desires bubbling inside of her as well, but he ignored it and just drank the moment of strange ease and relaxation despite knowing that they could fall down and get hurt.

"You know that we could fall down and hurt ourselves, fair princess? I probably won't get a dent, but what about you?" Keitaro remarked as he continued the steps in their dance, still holding her.

"I know that you will catch me, Keetaro," Su answered with a smile, calling him by the pet name she had given him. " I would trust you with my life!" she added finally and tried imitating Kitsune's vixen-like smirk, which she failed, making Keitaro chuckle lightly.

He almost stumbled when he put his foot on a slippery place, but managed to straighten himself and continued dancing with the bronze-skinned girl from an island far away.

He knew that he hadn't really thought it right through when he suggested to Su-chan in this loop that they dance on the roof when the moon was full and red. But the oddball genius had jumped up and down and cried out "Yes! Yes! That'll be fun!" and pounced him and began straddling him with her strong legs. They were beautiful legs to him, but he wished that they didn't feel like being caught in a powerful pincer.

When the music had ended they ended up just sitting there beside each other. Looking at the red moon and the stars.

Kaolla leaned closer to him and rested her head against his shoulder.

"I wish this moment would last forever," Su practically purred and took hold of his arms as she began to nuzzle his shoulder.

When dark clouds began appearing, smothering the stars and slowly encroaching on the red moon. He could feel Kaolla tense up and practically heard her body screaming. "No! Not now! Not yet!"

In the end the red moon was covered by the clouds in the sky.

Phooey! Not again!" Su pouted as she had turned back to normal, looking as if she was a small girl that had decided to play dress-up in her older sister's dress. The growing feeling of disappointment was beginning to cook over. She kicked away a loose roof tile with an undignified huff.

Sometimes he wished he could learn how to properly control that ero-vision. A lot of times it switched on when he didn't want to and didn't seem to want to get switched off. Maybe his subconsciousness was going haywire and wanted to read people like books.

(I'll probably go to hell for this, but what's a nice guy to do?) He walked closer to the young girl.

He could see with the strange vision granted to him that Kaolla was unsure about what he was about to do or say as he approached with a look of gentleness and compassion that made her wild heart beat faster.

"Just be yourself, Su-chan," Keitaro said softly to her and leaned forward and kissed her.

Even without the ero-vision and with his eyes close he could feel Kaolla stiffen for a moment, but slowly beginning to return the kiss.

Sure it wasn't as fancy as doing a lot of erotic stuff with Naru or Motoko-chan on places like the roof, in Seta's van or in the Aoyama family shrine, but then again he was kind of a romantic at heart.

He carried a snuggling Su-chan gently back to her room. She smiled in a way that he felt would make stars burn brighter. 

* * *

Weeks later Keitaro Urashima broke the hearts of the other girls when he married Kaolla Su and moved with her to Molmol. Keitaro just wished that Molmolian wedding ceremony that followed days after the wedding ceremony back in Japan didn't involve him being tied to a pole and having Su-chan dance around him with a spear!

The things you do for love...

* * *

_Author's notes: The dancing on the roof part was inspired by a short scene from the Da Capo anime where the catgirl dances with someone on the roof of a church._

The last bit in my short snippet was actually stolen from the Kaolla Su ending in the Love Hina Advance GBA game, where you get a picture of Keitaro tied to a pole while Su stands beside him in her Momolian wedding dress from the anime, smiling and holding a spear, while Amara and Ramba Su just stand there smiling with content smirks. 

_Ero-Vision Keitaro is the looper concept Andrew Joshua Talon came up with for a looper incarnation of Keitaro and that he suggested that I write one snippet using his idea._


	19. The Comiket Date Incident

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina or anything else I've referenced to in this snippet._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

19.

* * *

Near the stone steps leading down from the Hinata-sou a young man was waiting in anticipation for someone to come. As that someone exited the Hinata-sou he smiled and called out to her. She staggered as if forcing herself to go to him, but finally she was an arm's-length away from him, looking quite internally conflicted over deciding if she should run back in again or go with him.

"Ready for our date?" Keitaro Urashima asked his newfound girlfriend.

Keitaro had dressed himself in decent, clean clothes, still wearing his big square glasses and and carried a bag containing some of the art he had drawn.

"I-I don't know, Urashima!" Motoko Aoyama said with hesitating tone clearly in her voice.

Motoko Aoyama wore something she had sworn she never would touch again, hadn't her boyfriend begged her with a puppy-eyed look. She wore the dress Haruka Urashima had once worn, a pink, frilly shirt with and almost ankle-length frilly, violet skirt.

"Please? Just for my sake, Motoko-chan!" Keitaro gave her one of the pleading looks that once would've filled her with contempt but now was replaced with resignation and an urge to look after that weakling who managed to stir a whirlwind of feelings inside of her.

"Oh, very well!" Motoko huffed, as she managed to regain some resemblance of that self-confidence he admired in her, and grabbed his arm. She then dragged him along as they descended down the stone steps.

It was kinda funny that in this loop that he tried early on to make Motoko his girlfriend. He had clearly surprised Motoko-chan and the others when he had confessed to her and asked her if she wanted to be his girlfriend.

She had rejected him, but with his ero-vision he could see that she was flattered that a boy had asked her out like that even if he didn't look like the ideal men she secretly fantasized about from the samurai novels and romance novels she read in secret.

Too make a long story short after proving himself to her that while he was not Mr. Perfect he did have a kind heart and compassionate nature, despite his own interests in h-related stuff and pornography. And that he used his ero-vision as a gameshark to help him along.

After having accepted one of his later confessions and relenting to be his girlfriend, she attempted to better him by confiscating all his porn and h-related stash and destroying them with a well-placed Hiken Zankusen despite his fervent protests. She had looked him right in the eye and told him that things around here were going to change now that he was her boyfriend.

Keitaro had pouted and moped around for a few days, but Motoko had forcefully straightened him out of that state and declared that she was going to make a better man out of him by removing most of his perversions.

The funny thing was that with his ero-vision he saw that his girlfriend was a bigger pervert than he was when she secretly hid that copy of the comedy doujin Nymphomaniac Kendo-girl does the Poor Chaste Tentacle Demon in her kendo robes before destroying the rest of his stuff. 

* * *

The Comiket they were attending was bustling with all manners of people. Normal looking ones were there along with otaku, doujin artists and cosplayers.

"And remember, Urashima: If I see you with even one h-doujin I will personally send you back to the Hinata-sou with a Hiken Zankusen express!" Motoko told him sternly with a strained smile.

"Yes, Motoko-chan!" Keitaro managed to squeak out.

(And while I'm forbidden you'll probably try to find that copy of Nymphomaniac Kendo-girl does the Cloister of Chaste Tentacle Demon monks.) Keitaro thought with a pout as he walked over to a stand where someone he knew was selling some Sailor Moon doujin where Sailor Moon fought Galactus. (Well in a relationship you do have to make some sacrifices after all.)

After having shown some of his art and drawings to people interested, Keitaro was skimming through the pages of a crossover doujin where Superman was giving Vegeta a well-deserved beating for trying to commit mass-murder in arrogance again. After buying it he went to look for Motoko.

He found her surrounded by a lot of different guys asking her out. And he saw that she was bordering on either freaking out or try to beat them all down.

When she saw him she cried out his name and pushed the guys aside and rushed into his arms.

He could practically feel a super-saiya-jin aura of jealousy coming from all those guys. That and that stupid ero-vision of his could read their fantasies about his girlfriend.

Keitaro then got an idea how to cheer his girlfriend up and turned to a close by cosplayer who stood in corned drinking a can of soda while his sword lay leaned beside him on the wall.

"Mind if I borrow this?" he asked the cosplayer dressed as Kesnhin Himura and picked up the sword.

"Sure, whatever." the cosplayer said in bored disinterest.

"Here, Motoko-chan!" Keitaro then said to her and gave her the reverse-bladed cosplayer sword.

"And what am I supposed to do with this?" Motoko gave him a puzzled look.

"Just show them what you can do with it. But don't hurt them, just try to frighten them." Keitaro recommended gently.

Motoko Aoyama then raised her borrowed sword in the air, and when she found a safe angle she cried out Hiken Zankusen and sent out a wind blast that decimated a Sasuke Uchiha statue.

The cosplayer and the others eyes bulged in surprise while their mouths gaped open over what they just saw.

"How did you do that?" the cosplayer asked her, looking startled.

"Just visit my sister Tsuroko and the Shinmei-ryu school in Kyoto and you might learn it," Motoko replied with a smirk.

Minutes later Keitaro and Motoko were seen running out of the Comiket for their lives from a mob of mad Sasuke fans... 

* * *

Days later in Kyoto Tsuroko Aoyama answered a call from visitors requesting an audience with her outside her door.

To her surprise she saw dozens of otaku and cosplayers outside who awaited her eagerly.

"Please make me your pupil!" All of them then chorused simultaneously when they saw her.

Tsuroko Aoyama just blinked in confusion.

* * *

_Author's notes: After my first attempt writing an ero-vision snippet, I decided to try writing another one._


	20. Tonight Is What It Means To Be Young

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

20.

* * *

_Somewhere in the USA..._

"Get your hands off my boyfriend!" Naru roared in heavily accented English and charged the band of thugs beating on Keitaro.

Minutes later it looked like the thugs had gone through a rough meat grinder as they lay sprawled beaten and mangled by the strong Japanese girl.

"For crying out loud, Keitaro, what did you get yourself into this time?" Naru grumbled as she picked him up by the arm and draped it over her shoulder for leverage.

"They were harassing some poor girl and I tried to stop them when they went too far." Keitaro managed to stammer out.

Naru smiled making his heart beat furiously. "Aww! You're such a softie for damsels in distress, but that's the reason I love you, you big nimrod."

With a feat of strength she then turned Keitaro around, picked him up and slung him over her shoulder.

"Now let's go to our apartment and make love until we pass out."

Keitaro grinned sheepishly as she carried him back home. This certainly was too good to be true! After forcing him to let her accompany him and Seta to the US, Naru had become more open and passionate. He would remember their first passionate moment in that hotel room in Colorado for the rest of his life when she had told him to just be himself when he with fear in his eyes had hesitatingly asked her if she wanted him to be more like Seta. And in the end it led to them becoming lovers that wonderful night.

But still Naru refused to comply to his masochistic fantasies of her stepping on his face, but you can't have everything in, life can you?

He hummed along as Naru started singing parts of Late Goodbye by Poets of the Fall

_And we keep driving into the night  
It's a late goodbye, such a late goodbye  
And we keep driving into the night  
It's a late goodbye_

Your breath hot upon my cheeck, and we crossed, that line  
You made me strong when I was feeling weak, and we crossed, that one time  
Screaming stop signs, staring wild eyes, keep on flashing, flashing by...

To him her voice was that of an angel.

* * *

When they got to the apartment, Keitaro looked as good as new, resulting in Naru throwing him on their bed, and instantly pouncing on him like a tigress in heat. Straddling him with her legs and pinning him down she then began to relieve him of his clothes. Keitaro began to return the favour, fumbling as he lifted the shirt over her head and began to unclasp her bra.

Seconds later they lay on the bed without any stitch of clothes.

"Like what what you see?" Naru asked him with a bemused smile as she put on her large round glasses and then took off Keitaro's square-shaped ones.

"You're beautiful," Keitaro whispered and reached out to caress her cheek.

Naru blushed and leaned downwards to kiss him, her tongue entering his mouth. Keitaro responded and returned the kiss with equal passion.

As Keitaro reached for her breast, he found his hand held back firmly by her. He moaned in protest.

"Just a sec!" Naru flashed him a sly smile as she reached out for the radio on the small table beside the bed and switched it on. "Now where were we?..." she continued with a cat-like purr.

As the radio started playing Born to Run by Bruce Springsteen, passionate moans and cries of pleasure were heard from the apartment of Naru and Keitaro...

* * *

_Author's notes: This snippet is basically a continuation of the looper snippet in chapter 7. And yeah it was originally posted in the lemon time loop thread but I never managed to get it past its vanilla stage._


	21. Looking Back

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina. I'm just a plain weird guy writing time loop fic snippets..._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

21.

* * *

During all the time loops he had suffered through, he'd gotten over all the nervous breakdowns and his massive inferiority complex where he always compared himself to Seta Noriyasu and found himself lacking in every aspect.

God knows that was a mistake when he came to America with Seta to try to make himself more like Seta by learning to act like Seta, look like Seta, dress as Seta, drive as Seta and talk like Seta. Seta had actually been cheerful in his usual manner about his part-timer emulating himself and had been quite eager to assist in that total makeover. Well, la-de-dah, that was when he really lost respect for that second-rate Indiana Jones after reminiscing that blunder several loops ago. Even Indiana Jones wouldn't have wanted his friends and partners to dress and act like him, he'd probably tell them just be themselves. But Naru's silence after his confession to her in the hospital and that she avoided him for days had left him so messed up and confused that he jumped at any opportunity to please her, and like the fool he had been he grabbed the opportunity when he realized that the other girls wouldn't interfere while he was in the States.

Six years after the wedding and having a daughter and a son a part of him got tired of upholding that mask of Setaism. When he managed to recover from that mistake and become his old self again, as expected his marriage to Naru didn't last out the month. She just sent him flying, packed her bags and left taking the kids with her while leaving a divorce paper on the doorstep. Then he went to a bigger all-low overshadowing all the times Naru ran away from him and then he killed himself by stabbing himself through the heart with the Hina blade while wearing his old geekoid glasses and clothes.

And that's how started being a time looper after being mysteriously brought back in time and finding himself alive and kicking.

And funny enough he ran into another looper version of him, a Keitaro who after having succumbed to his breakdowns had turned into a violent psychopath willing to lash out at any perceived threat or enemy. Sure he reminded him lot of his old self when he was stable, a nice dorky looking geek, but if you gave him too many blows he would revert into his postal mode and destroy anything in his way. God knows how many times the girls owed him in those loops for locking his other self up in an asylum or in prison before he could harm them.

Then there was that disturbingly creepy time looper version of Shinobu who also was a crazy cannibal who'd eat you alive with a sweet smile on her lips or make all sorts of meals out of her victims. He always steered clear of her. His postal version either married or killed her when they met. 

* * *

_So here he was again staring at the stone steps leading up to the Hinata-sou._

(Should I follow the path fate has laid out for me to follow, or should I just walk away from?)

"Nah," he suddenly decided, "maybe I'll just go through this one more time." He then began ascending the stairs.

(Maybe I'll just marry Mutsumi again in this reality. I've stayed married to Motoko for too many loops this time. Maybe I'll be lucky to run into Mizuho if she's in this reality.)

He began to sing parts of the lyrics of the song the Last Unicorn as he neared his destination.

* * *

_Author's notes: And this is the introduction to one of the other looper incarnations of Keitaro who goes under the call sign Cop Keitaro, the explanation behind this nickname will be revealed in the next chapter._

_Funny enough I got a thumbs-down from another fic writer on the thread where I posted this snippet first due to my portrayal of Seta and Naru her, feeling that I made Seta too self-centred and Naru too shallow, even though I'm quite capable of nice characterizations of the two once in a while._

_One of the rules in the Love Hina time loop thread is that the LH loopers, also designated as anchors are of the looper generation that are rendered incapable of reproducing due to the forces that be in charge want to prevent the loopers from going mentally unstable from the loss of their offspring and descendants (funny enough loopers from other generations and universes like in the SW universe are exempt from this for some reason). I attempted to circumvent this rule on the thread of the Fanfiction Forum by having Cop Keitaro have children before he became a time looper._

_I also made a minor reference here to Mizuho Fujisawa, who was the AU promised girl in the Love Hina video games for the Sega Dreamcast console. _


	22. Another Day On The Job!

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina, Ah My Goddess!, Negima, Ranma ½ or Tenchi Muyo!._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

22.

* * *

It's a funny thing, you have a life of your own, a family that you love and cherish, and then you kill yourself and then find yourself reborn as a time looper and anchor who remain eternally sterile, never to enjoy the happiness and pain of having children of your own.

Maybe it was the hidden powers of the Hina blade that turned him into this, or possibly an agent for a divine or infernal power who decided to give him a new chance at life or punish him

The most ironic thing was that incident that took place some loops after becoming a looper when a norse deity, possibly a norn or a valkyrie gave him a glimpse back to his world and reality. Seems like Naru had been feeling guilty for leaving him and taking the kids with her and decided after some soul-searching to return to him and sort this mess out. Finding out that he killed himself in their absence must've been traumatic as hell for them.

Well, la-de-dah, chalk up a Darwin Award for this Urashima Keitaro. And another guilt trip lasting a hundred loops. But then again he wasn't thinking straight when he plunged the Hina blade into his heart.

He'd met another Naru who was also condemned to this cycle of suffering by being turned into a looper. They had an off and on relationship going with each other and usually parted on friendly terms.

And sometimes he felt nice enough to play matchmaker by fixing Haruka and Seta's on and off relationship or finding better boyfriends and future husbands for the girls.

For some reason he'd come off as the most stable Keitaro of all the other selves he'd met despite having killed himself and then been reanimated and given this accursed gift of cycling through realities against his will.

Maybe that was the reason he decided to police all the other dangerous Keitaros and other rogue loopers to prevent collateral damage and civilian casualties when they crossed paths and assist the normal ones and the newcomers to survive here.

He didn't need to survey ero-vision Keitaro. Sure he was something of a pervert and hedonist with ninja skills, but he never tried hurting anybody, so he was let off the hook.

Postal Keitaro however was one of the worst offenders when he snapped. He remembered teaming up with other loopers like Negi Springfield, Ranma Saotome and Tenchi Masaki to stop that maniac from launching a nuclear missile at Tokyo from a hidden missile silo in China.

After that the four of them decided to band together against common threats when at least two or all of them could meet in the same loop. He was glad Negi was with him when Cannibal Shinobu began making the citizens of Tokyo her prey.

And in this loop he was with his favourite partner again.

"So who's the blackguard this time, mate?" Negi asked Keitaro in English.

"It's Postal again, he's stolen some Mecha-Godzilla and decided to blow up everything." Keitaro replied in accented English.

"Blimey! Sometimes I wonder who made him a looper!" Negi looked irritated and muttered some Welsh curses.

"Who knows, but one day I'm getting out of this and reclaim my old life back!" Keitaro swore.

* * *

_Author's notes: Cop Keitaro sometimes calls Postal Keitaro by his nickname Postal, since he tends to go postal when things go bad._


	23. A Thyestean feast for Aoyama Tsuroko

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina. And sometimes I wonder what my subconsciousness is doing when I write these disturbing time loop snippets._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

23.

* * *

_Cannibal Shinobu in:_  
A **Thyestean feast** for Aoyama Tsuroko

If evil had a cute face and a small body then it would fit this time looper incarnation of a certain Shinobu Maeahara who was also a remorseless killer and cannibal. Most people did their utmost to avoid this petite girl when they recongnized her considering the inhuman horrors she had inflicted through hundreds of loops. Even many other loopers had ended up as a meal to placate the little one's bottomless hunger for human flesh; and when they were reincarnated into other loops with their memories intact, they were left pretty scarred for a long time.

In Shinobu' twisted mind she saw herself as a chef, an artist, a connoisseur who could create masterpieces when she saw it fit to do so.

But most people wouldn't call it a work of masterpiece or even art to attempt acupuncture with ten-inch nails. And certainly not poor Naru who had at least four of them nailed through her back slowly with a wooden mallet while being tied up.

Shinobu sighed as her ears soaked in the cries of pain coming from her victim, like it was a piece of beloved classical music, while her brain soaked it up and almost making her body shiver in delight.

Close by Motoko was screaming that she had taken her hands and feet amid maddened sobs and hysterical laughter coming from this broken-minded swordswoman who was chained to the wall by a metal collar.

Shinobu just smiled that happy, sweet smile of hers. The little cannibal chef was exultant now that two of her recurrent victims again learned who they should beware of in the Hinata-sou when all three of them were alone. The sewn-up stumps where her hands and feet should have been revealed the horror she went through.

Sempai, Seta-san and Sarah-chan were at Toudai, looking up pieces of Mesopotamian pottery and bas-relief fragments, Sarah having insisted on tagging along with her dad this time (making her a bit disappointed since she always tasted so good). Su-chan had gone on a trip without telling where. Kitsune-sempai was passed out drunk out of her mind in her room (she had to remember that recipe on how to serve Kitsune as a dish soaked and prepared in alcohol).

Shinobu rolled her crying, cursing, pleading victim around and proceeded to work on her other side this time. And a few times during this torment Shinobu would dig her nails deeply around the head of a nail and pull it out viciously, making Naru-sempai shriek in greater pain, and then eat the remains of flesh stuck to the nails and lapping the blood around it up with her small tongue.

When the last traces of life left Narusegawa, Shinobu turned to Motoko who started to whimper when she approached her, trying desperately to crawl away despite the collar and chain keeping her confined close to the wall.

"Don't worry;" Shinobu crooned gently, "I'll make it as slow as possible." She pulled out her trusty sharp kitchen knife from her blood-stained apron. "I heard you sister was coming for a visit and I wanted to surprise her with something. It'll be so fun!" after the last words were said Shinobu giggled softly and sweetly, making Motoko scream a cacophony of desperate fearful cries as she saw her end was drawing near... 

* * *

"This is marvellous!" the guest praised the tiny chef as she used her chopsticks to pick up another piece of that delicate meat. Shippu had decided to fly around the area, while the younger girl had treated her to an exquisite meal while she waited for her little sister Motoko to show up.

Shinobu swelled with pride over Tsuroko's praise and that she was also in ignorance gorging herself on the flesh of her sister.

She'd love to see her reaction when she would wave Motoko-sempai's hands and feet around her face and reveal to her the grim irony of that she was eating her own sister...

* * *

_Author's notes: Ironically I swore to myself that this would be the last Cannibal Shinobu snippet, yet this cannibal chef looper has a tendency to pop up in a few other snippets._

_Those of you who've delved enough into Greek mythology will probably recognize the reference in this snippet._


	24. Romancing the RomCom Girls

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina, Ai Ga Tomaranai!, Negima, Chobits, Urusei Yatsura and Ai Yori Aoshi._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

24.

* * *

After numerous time loop experiences where he romanced and married one of the girls at the dormitory as well as Mutsumi, Ema... and even Sarah, Urashima Keitaro grew bored of reliving the same visual novel/dating sim thing over and over again and wanted some variation to ease the boredom he felt during several loops.

And therefore Keitaro indulged himself in stealing away the girls from other harem anime/romance-comedy main characters.

Saati Namba wasn't easy to snare in, but after a couple of loops he managed to turn Hitoshi Kobe into a depressed wreck when Keitaro finally swept Saati off her feet and married her.

Toni was harder to catch in other ways, considering that she was somewhat like Kitsune albeit with paranormal powers.

Asuna had almost been as dangerous as courting Naru, but after a while he managed to get through her shell without even going through a loop at all. She was a lot stabler bride than Naru, even though she was kinda bossy. The bad thing was actually Fate and his magical goons who wanted to use her as a weapon. Not to mention the ancient vampire woman who looked like a little girl and was a master in the dark arts. But being forced to undergo a pactio with Negi had left him scarred for life (or at least a dozen loops) and sworn him off having anything to do with Negi and his battle harem in future loops.

In this loop he found himself naked in a bed with a young woman sleeping beside him. He smiled gently as he reached out and stroked her sleeping face gently and then let his hand glide through the short tresses of her hair.

(Sorry, Kaoru, but this time Aoi is mine.)

Maybe he should go after Lum in the next loop, or possibly Chi the android, but for now he was simply content snuggling beside his current love interest in this loop...

* * *

_Author's notes: Maybe this snippet will help relieve some of my high octane nightmare fuel snippets and keep the torches and pitchforks away from my door.. for a while at least._

_For some reason I can believe that a looper might try out how variable relationships work._


	25. A Snowy Night To Remember

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina and Itsudatte My Santa_

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

25.

* * *

"Woohoo!" Keitaro Urashima cried out in joy as the reindeer Pedro raced through the snowy night sky defying the laws of gravity through sheer magic and pulling the sleigh it was tied to.

Mai in her transformed state just smiled as she steered Pedro towards a planned path.

To Keitaro it was just fantastic just flying with someone. It certainly beats being hurtled through the air like a stray artillery shell.

"Hold this, please!" she suddenly said to Keitaro and handed him the reins. As the three-year ronin did so, the girl took off her red cap and placed it on his head, much to his surprise.

"Merry Christmas," she said simply with a cute but strange smile that reminded him of Mutsumi.

(I knew knocking out that Santa guy was a good idea!) Keitaro thought with a smile on his lips. (Hopefully the closet I stuck him in isn't too cramped.)

Funny how this time loop started during Christmas Eve and already his luck with girls was getting better (as long as he used underhanded tricks).

"Hey, Mai, can I pick up a friend of mine?" Keitaro asked her.

Mai just flashed him a smile. "Sure! The more, the merrier y'know."

Half an hour later Mai, Keitaro and Shinobu were flying over the snowy skies of Tokyo, laughing and smiling happily.

For some reason instead of singing Christmas songs Keitaro was singing the version of the song Rock and Roll Dreams Come Through by Meat Loaf.

* * *

_Author's notes: I wrote this snippet last year, the day before Christmas Eve._


	26. Tank you very much! 2

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina, Hellsing, Ranma ½ and Dominion Tank Police_

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

26.

* * *

For some reason the time looper Keitaro Urashima found himself stranded in the middle of London... during a massive zombie infestation that had turned most of the populace of London into ravenous, living dead people who liked to devour the brains and everything else of those who were not.

Luckily after holing himself up in an apartment for weeks and living on a diet of rats and whatever water he could find, he managed to sneak out and hole himself up in a super market with lots of preserved foodstuffs.

Soon other time loopers wound up this nightmare dimension and sought refuge in his hiding place. Three people. One British police officer named Seras Victoria who let out that most of the time she would end up a vampire. Leona Ozaki another police officer from some far-off future. Hikaru Gosunkugi, a creepy fellow countryman from Japan.

When the food started to run out they decided that it was time to get out of town, and luckily Leona found just the vehicle that would help them.

Hours later a Challenger 2 MBT was seen rolling out of London, crushing living dead by the dozens under its threads and blasting whatever worse monstrosities to pieces with the big 120mm rifled tank gun.

"It sure ain't Bonaparte, but at least it gets the job done." Leona commented as she steered the tank towards their escape and salvation.

"Here's another HEAT round, Victoria-san," Gosunkugi said as he staggered forward almost dropping it before managing to finally load it.

"Thanks," the female gunner replied as she let out a burst from the co-axial machine gun and mowed down a throng of zombies.

"Maybe we should switch places," Keitaro offered while seated in the tank commander's seat.

"I think I'll manage for a minute or two, Urashima-san..." 

* * *

After getting out of London and each of them getting back into their respective time loop dimensions, all of them tried their best to forget the whole affair...

(At least I didn't lose my mind and go postal in a tank this time,) Keitaro thought. He had learned to handle various tanks after committing numerous hijackings and subsequent postal rampages that would paint most towns red with blood.

* * *

_Author's notes: This is actually Postal Keitaro during his more stable periods._


	27. I'll Miss ile You!

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina, Command & Conquer: Generals, Negima or Neon Genesis Evangelion._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

27.

* * *

"Bye!" Keitaro waved at Narusegawa Naru and Aoyama Motoko while wearing an NBC suit and gave the order to fire.

The artillery truck launched the NATO-designated Scud missile with a toxin-filled warhead containing the lethal payload anthrax beta in the direction of Tokyo University with a screaming Naru and Motoko tied to it. 

* * *

Seta was studying pieces of ancient Chinese pottery as a large projectile crashed into his office. The last thing he saw before the thing detonated was the girl Naru and one of her friends. 

* * *

Urashima Keitaro chuckled evilly, considering what he'd done in previous loops he never tried to be a demented terrorist wanting to end all human life on the planet before...

And before he had launched the girls he had in order to fulfil the prophecy of ending the world had to lock Negi Springfield inside a large cave filled with a thousand Rei Ayanami clones. _For on the day of reckoning_ **"A tiny wizard will be raped by a thousand albinos"**.

"I love world destruction!" Keitaro tittered madly.

* * *

_Author's notes: Postal Keitaro being crazy again and getting a taste for ending the world and wipe out everything – even himself from the face of the planet. To be sincere I shamelessly copied that part with poor Negi involved in it from the very sick "Raped by a thousand monkeys" prophecy in the scene from the very bad movie adaptation of the Postal video games. What a sick, sick monster I can be sometimes..._


	28. Iä Tama!

_Disclaimer: I do not own Love Hina. And sometimes my brain seems to have a will of its own when I write such completely senseless and insane snippets like this one..._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

28.

* * *

_In another time loop..._

In the Sacred Temple of Tama, formerly an inn-turned-dormitory named the Hinata-sou, a congregation of robed, fanatical followers ventured through the sacred halls into the heart of this temple.

The Order of Tama had gained many followers when the financial crisis hit the town of Hinata giving many of its residents a new purpose to live for.

In the former living room the high priest Keitaro was holding a sermon while Tama lay seated on a cushion on top of a pedestal in front of him. The sermon basically amounted to the high priest praising the breed of flying hot spring turtles as the highest form of life on Earth. And to ensure the ascension of these divine beings the entire human race had to be wiped out without mercy nor remorse by summoning the Great Demon Turtle From Beyond who would begin the great cleansing.

Keitaro read aloud a few verses from the dreaded book the Testudonomicon when some of his followers brought the human sacrifice. The chained captive was dragged towards a well-like hole erected in the middle of the living room containing the sacrificial fire pit where the heretics and infidels were flung to their fiery demise as sacrifice.

The high priest stood before the captive and said: "So, Motoko-chan, you sought to stop us from completing our holy mission. You are pitiful fool to defy the will of Tama even to the end!

The raven-haired woman stared back at the high priest with hate in her eyes despite the quivering fear that clenched her brave heart. And then she spat him in the face.

What she got in return was a slap in the face while the cultists howled in outrage over the transgression they had witnessed before their very eyes.

"I will never worship those disgusting beings!" Motoko growled proudly before her captor.

"Tama will decide your fate, infidel!" Keitaro exclaimed angrily and placed himself in front of the sacred pedestal where the tiny being the cult worshipped lay.

"What judgement will you pass on this wretched creature?" Keitaro grovelled and prostrated himself in front of Tama.

"Myuh!" Tana just chirped.

It took a few seconds for Keitaro's mad, fevered mind to interpret the answer of the tiny baby turtle before crying out: "Tama has spoken - Death to Aoyama Motoko

"Death to the infidel Motoko! Death! Death!" the robed men and women chanted in a frenzy. They hastily grabbed the chained captive who struggled in vain against the combined might of the mob who then flung her into the pit.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Motoko shrieked before she perished by flame, ending her chilling death cries.

"Chalk up another one." the high priest said and noted it in his personal notebook. "And tomorrow I will fully commit my heart and soul to the will of Tama by sacrificing the one I love the most - Narusegawa Naru! And then the Great Demon Trutle From Beyond will descend upon this plane of existence as is foretold by the Testudonomicon when the stars are right!"

(I always wanted to be a homicidal cultist leading a murderous cult anyway.) Keitaro thought in satisfaction.

Meanwhile his second-in-command the high priestess Shinobu pouted. So much tasty meat to be sacrificed for Tama and none of it to fill her belly. The tiny, time-looping cannibal chef wondered if her sempai would at least give her one of Naru's arms to gnaw on.

The two robed men guarding the sacred fire pit conversed with each other as the others frenzied in maddened ecstasy.

"We have to get out of here, Haitani! Kimiaki Shirai whispered fearfully to his friend while adjusting his cowl.

"Are you out of your mind? Keitaro told us that if he ever caught us trying to run away he would personally give us to Shinobu!" Masayuki Haitani hissed back in a whisper.

Both of them shuddered remembering how the high priest had given Sarah MacDougal and his cousin/aunt Haruka Urashima to the tiny cannibal who proceeded to butcher and eat them while they were still alive, while retaining her usual cuteness as she committed this cruel act of evil.

And funny enough the stars were indeed right in this time loop when Naru was sacrificed (even though Keitaro actually never expected it to be so) and the Great Demon Turtle descended and wiped out humanity to pave way for the hot spring turtles. Sadly enough the Great Demon Turtle From Beyond hadn't looked like a turtle at all, more like what would've happened if a giant T-55 was crossed with an even bigger jellyfish...

And in several loops Keitaro had to be contained in Arkham Asylum for his own and everyone else's safety.

* * *

_Author's notes: Postal Keitaro is at it again with world destruction and this time creating a Lovecraftian cult and summoning a horror from beyond to destroy mankind so that the hot spring turtles may inherit the Earth. For some reason the cannibal looper incarnation of Shinobu (a perversion and monstrosity I often wish I'd never written into existence when writing time loop snippets) made a cameo appearance here. For some reason I can sympathize with the poor guy who started the LH time loop thread on the Fanfiction forum when he politely despite his frustration asked me to refrain from grimdark looper snippets with lots of black humour. Blame on me being a fan of the Call of Cthulhu roleplaying games..._


	29. Murphy's Law

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina_

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

29.

* * *

On a sunny beach somewhere in Okinawa Keitaro Urashima and his girlfriend Naru Narusegawa were walking hand in hand, enjoying the soothing feeling of the tiny waves hitting their bare feet. There was no destination planned here, they were just having a nice time enjoying each other's company and presence.

It was quite interesting how things turn out differently if you manage to pass the entry exam on the third try and that Naru got in on her second try as well.

Experience from earlier time loops had taught him a thing or two about his ladylove that made it easier to court her. After the revelation of both of them passing Keitaro had confessed his feelings to her and Lady Luck really must've smiled on him that night because she accepted his love for her. And they even kissed!

And to celebrate the start of their relationship Keitaro had suggested they take a trip to Okinawa.

"It's so peaceful," Naru sighed with content in her voice. For some reason this kind young man had managed to worm his way into her heart despite his clumsy and sometimes perverted nature. In the future she'd have to make some changes for the sake of their relationship like forbidding him from buying porn and other stuff now that he had her, while keeping the other girls at an arms length from her boyfriend, especially Kitsune when she was tipsy.

"Yeah, it sure is, Naru," Keitaro smiled at her fondly.

(Nothing can ruin this moment! Nothing!)

He was quite wrong.

A few minutes later a familiar van was seen kicking up piles of sand as it drove straight at him.

"Gaaah!" Keitaro exclaimed and pushed Naru aside to protect her from the impact of the speeding vehicle.

Luckily for him all he managed to get was a few bruises her and there, and when Naru rushed towards him to help him, the passengers of the vehicle spilled out into the beach.

"Urashima, get your filthy hands off her or your life is forfeit!" Motoko cried out like it was a war cry.

"Auuu! Sempai, how could you?" Shinobu wailed.

"Didn't know that you had it in you, loverboy!" Kitsune teased him.

"Ara? Haven't I seen you somewhere before?" Mutsumi Otohime who he had tried his best to avoid in this loop had somehow gotten herself involved with the search team even if they hadn't been properly introduced like in the normal timeline.

"Why, God! Why!" Keitaro wailed in defeat as he banged his head against the car door repeatedly.

"Hehe, Keetaro," Kaolla Su laughed cheerfully with a sinister twinkle in her eye, "you've been a naughty boy and as punishment you have to play with me and let me experiment on you."

"This is definitely not my day!" Keitaro sighed self-pitingly.

(But then again, I'll have other opportunities to woo Naru.) his subconsciousness commented to him.

* * *

_Author's notes: Thought maybe this would be a decent change of pace from my usual ones._


	30. A Ship of Fools

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina or Star Wars._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

30.

* * *

Somewhere in the Outer Rim the Victory Class Star Destroyer The Sentinel was patrolling a remote sector.

Captain Keitaro Urashima sometimes wondered how he managed to get himself stationed on this ship of all ships he could be stationed in as commanding officer.

What he had actually hoped for would be that he became a subordinate officer under the command of his mentor Commander Seta Noriyasu aboard the Imperial Class Star Destroyer the Vanguard, but the Imperial Navy had to assign him to the remotest part of the galaxy they could find.

His second-in-command Naru Narusegawa, a top student at the Imperial Academy despite being a woman probably shared the same sentiments as he did, since both had looked up to their former commanding officer and mentor despite his habit of crashing into other ships, space stations, and sometimes a few asteroids. And then there was his adopted daughter Sarah who made their life a living hell while onboard the Vanguard, like the times she had fiddled with their reports, replaced all their uniforms with smaller-size ones, meddled in their attempts at assisting the commander in studying the various relics he collected.

The ship certainly had their fair share of notorious troublemakers.

The third-in-command Mitsune Konno had a love for alcohol that rivalled that of spiceheads addicted to spice. Not to mention her constant flirting that often lead to his second-in-command striking her superior officer and leaving him in a bacta tank for hours.

There was the Imperial Inquisitor Motoko Aoyama who was stationed aboard. She had a habit of brandishing her lightsaber a bit too often due to her irrational hatred of men that often made his sencond-in-command seem tame in comparison. According to the non-classified files about her the reason for stationing her aboard the Sentinel was the fact that there had been reports of the Jedi Master Tsuroko Aoyama being spotted a few times in this part of the Outer Rim. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that Motoko never got knighted by the Jedi Order and was thrown out after the recommendations of her sister, giving her a lot of issues that lead to her becoming immersed in the dark side.

Then there was the ship's scientist and leader of the medical staff Kaolla Su. According to rumours she had been assigned here after a series of accidents had rocked Byss when her droid and biological creations went wild. Her file clearly stated that she was in fact royalty from some planet named Molmol.

The intelligence officer here was actually his adopted sister Kanako, a master of disguise with an unhealthy obsession with him. He still shuddered over the memory of him having to shoo her out of his quarters when she attempted to seduce him wearing only her black lace underwear and a see-through red negligee while also having his quarters sprayed with pheromones.

At least it wasn't as bad as the time both Kanako and Mitsune had tried to seduce him while under the effect of one of Su's experiments and that things turned ugly when Naru and Motoko discovered him being pinned down by the half-naked girls in a severe state of undress...

Then came Shinobu, the medical officer and assistant of Su who also was an excellent cook. A nice girl, but too young for his taste. She had a tendency to cry out when things went out of hands. 

* * *

"The power's down... again," Naru reported with a tinge of irritation in her voice.

"Damage report?" Keitaro queried

"The shields and weapons as well as propulsion are off-line, but at least the life support and other essential functions for crew survival works."

"By the stars! It's the fourth time this week!" Keitaro exclaimed.

"I sense a disturbance in the Force," Motoko stated bluntly as she rose from her meditation on the bridge.

"Don't you always," Keitaro commented in disbelief.

"Sir, reports from the medical quarters indicate that one of Su's creations are loose again. The security officer said something about alchemically enhanced things before communications ceased.

"Someone get me off this ship and out of this loop!" Keitaro groaned and sat down somewhere.

Maybe he could get himself transferred to that new space station named the Death Star...

* * *

_Author's notes: I don't think I'd want to be commanding officer with the LH gang as my crew either, even though the prospect of being in charge of a Victory Class Star Destroyer would be fun..._


	31. Unexpected Trial

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina nor Star Wars._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

31.

* * *

The warrior woman was up training at her usual spot.

Motoko Aoyama, the proud swordswoman cried out in pain as she was struck by a streak of red lightning.

Reacting swiftly despite the inhuman pain coursing through her strong body that the electrocution had inflicted on her she quickly vaulted on her feet again with her trusty blade Shisui drawn ready.

She felt a chill up her spine as a gaunt Pau'an appeared in front of her brandishing both a red laser sword and a large shield. For some reason she felt an aura of immense rage and evil emanating from this thing.

"A thousand Jedi died cursing Darth Desolous." the being in front of her stated with proud malice as he set his eyes on her. Now, you too shall scream my name!" He continued pointing at her and ignited his blade anew.

For some reason Motoko got a lump in her throat. 

* * *

Inside his room Keitaro Urashima was wondering if Motoko was strong enough to survive the Trial of Skill he had downloaded and copied from another time loop where he found himself deep inside the abandoned Jedi Temple on Coruscant.

Having lived through too many loops than he remembered he had gotten proficient enough in utilizing Su-chan's sci-fi tech to test this harebrained stunt he wanted to try out on this young woman in particular.

Well, if she managed to live through this he might present her with the nifty Sith holocron he found in that accursed place.

"...Maybe I'll let Narusegawa meet Darth Phobos after that..." Keitaro mused. He had so many holograms of Sith he was itching to try out.

* * *

_Author's notes: For some reason I think I've been playing the Force Unleashed a bit too much when I wrote this snippet_...


	32. Gear Up!

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina or the Metal Gear series._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

32.

* * *

The town of Hinata was burning... again. And as usual the former inn-turned-dormitory the Hinata-sou was the only thing left standing.

After numerous time loops where a certain time looper would suddenly give into more strain than a normal man could handle, snap and go on destructive rampages, this would be categorized as a commonplace occurrence for most loopers who were inserted into the same reality as this looper.

And soon Tokyo would also burn in this reality.

As the manager of the dormitory got finished with taking a bath in his barrel and had gotten dressed, he ventured out and suddenly wondered where that fancy vehicle he had brought with him from a previous time loop had gone since it wasn't where it was parked. But then he remembered that he had been nice enough to borrow it to his mentor after his van broke down and had to be sent in for repair.

He was oblivious to the carnage around him since he was in his own thoughts about courting Narusegawa with lots of roses and making out with her in the romantic moonlight. 

* * *

"How nice of the part-timer to lend us this thing, Sarah," Seta Noriyasu remarked to his daughter Sarah MacDougal (who was busy fiddling with the weapon controls).

As the green, streamlined form of Metal Gear D ventured forth to Tokyo University so that the one driving it could give lectures, its 60 mm vulcan gun, 5.56 mm machine gun and it's missile pods were spewing death around it while the smoke discharger did its thing. 

* * *

"Now where did I put that bandana of infinite ammo I was gonna sell on Ebay?" Keitaro mused as he searched his room. 

* * *

Sarah MacDougal was laughing maniacally, her usual head wear replaced by a certain bandana.

For her this was more fun than when her father usually drove his van... 

* * *

"I just hope I remembered to switch off the weapon systems,"

"What did you say, Keitaro?" Naru asked as she looked up from the studying notes she was making.

"Just a gut feeling about something bad could happen," Keitaro said and continued studying with his love interest. He was just happy that he was more and less stable in this loop...

* * *

_Author's notes: I decided on making a little twist in this Postal Keitaro looper snippet. Even I like variation sometimes. Of all the Metal Gear models I've seen I always saw Metal Gear D as the most realistic looking Metal Gear._


	33. Dude, Where's My Tank?

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina or Command & Conquer._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

33.

* * *

Keitaro Urashima sighed in relief and immersed himself deeper into the barrel, enjoying the hot water around him.

"It's times like these that makes me appreciate a good soak," he mumbled to himself.

In the timeloop before this one he had been flung right into the middle of the First Tiberium War between the Global Defense Initiative and the Brotherhood of Nod.

And somehow, due to his usual bad luck, he found himself drafted into the Brotherhood and was later assigned to driving one of the Brotherhood's experimental vehicles.

After Kane got zapped by the ion cannon he had been flung back into the normal loop centred around the Hinata-sou along with the vehicle he had been operating, saving him from being blasted into oblivion by the X-66 Mammoth Tank that was pointing it's twin 120mm guns straight at him.

All he just wanted to do now was to take things easy and simply relax. Sure he might flunk the Tokyo U entry exam again in this loop, but he could always take it again in another loop.

For some reason Keitaro had the feeling that he forgot something that was really important. 

* * *

In a drunk stupor Mitsune "Kitsune" Konno drove the Devil's Tongue Flame Tank through the streets of Tokyo in the direction of what she thought was the closest pub, mistaking what were the instruments for operating the twin flame cannons to be the car horn instead - resulting in that automobiles, buildings and people were incinerated or burned to death.

"Hick!" she hiccuped and remained oblivious to what mayhem she caused, while hazily peering for that pub she was looking for... 

* * *

"Now I remember!" Keitaro concluded happily to himself, "I forgot to lock the door of my flame tank!"

After having dried and dressed himself he made haste to where he parked his flame tank and discovered that it wasn't there. The only thing there was an empty bottle.

"Uh-oh!" Keitaro gulped and got a lump in his throat. "That looks like the bottle of experimental moonshine filled with experimental tiberium-based drugs I got before the final battle!"

This was not good at all. And he could easily guess who made off with this dangerous piece of machinery.

* * *

_Author's notes: Another member thought it would be interesting if loopers unintentionally left dangerous things lying around that non-loopers meddles with resulting in crazy stuff happening._


	34. Once More Into The Fray!

_Disclaimer: I don't own Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter, Tenchi Muyo!, Ranma ½, Negima and Lova Hina._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

34.

* * *

The city of Tokyo was in flames. All around the sound of gunfire, explosions, screams and death were seen or heard.

In a dark alley four figures emerged. Despite one of them being under-age all of them sported hi-tech gear and weapons which they seemed to handle with confidence and battle-hardened experience.

"Bloody 'ell!" Negi Springfield exclaimed in English cockney speech (having been stuck in London's East End in so many loops that his speech patterns had been affected severely), shouldering the high calibre sniper rifle that seemed too big for him to carry.

"This timeloop sure is messed up," Tenchi Masaki sighed in Japanese and shook his head. He switched off the safety of his FN SCAR-H CQC and checked if his scope was in order.

"The only silver-lining is that we all got stuck in this fraking hole so that we could fix it," Ranma Saotome growled likewise in their native language while holding his assault rifle with grenade launcher attachment ready for action.

"Pull yourselves together, Ghosts!" Ghost leader Keitaro Urashima said firmly in Japanese. "It's not too different when Postal me goes crazy, only that this is on a larger scale."

"Copy that, Ghost leader!" the other three chorused. Having all been killed in various time loops where they were left without their special powers had made them train together as intensely as they could in modern warfare.

"Speak of the devil: where is Postal you?" Negi inquired to Keitaro in Japanese.

"Beats me!" Cop Keitaro shrugged. "I think he's still stuck in that loop where he's working in the Wagnaria and trying to avoid Inami-chan as much as he can."

An intense detonation was heard from an adjacent alley.

"Cross-Com activated." Cop Keitaro stated as he activated the instruments of his headgear. "We're going in!" He caressed his MR-C LW gently and hoped that Naru and the others were safe...

* * *

_Author's notes: I had been playing Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter during the time I wrote this snippet. I liked that game for some reason..._


	35. Pain to the Max!

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina or Max Payne._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

35.

* * *

"Eat lead, Urashima!" the thug cried out, firing blindly with his submachine gun while his friends finished reloading their weapons and popped up from their cover. Their leather trench-coated adversary did likewise and sprang up from cover to engage them.

Naru concentrated and entered bullet time mode. The world around her went blurry and hazy, slowing down time for everything except her. With skill and precision the battle-hardened woman brought up her two fully-loaded automatic pistols and started picking them off one by one while narrowly dodging their gunfire.

Dropping one of her emptied pistols she twirled around and unleashed a devastating Naru punch on the goon who tried to sneak up on her from behind, grinning in grim satisfaction when she heard his neck snap like a rotten twig and seeing his body crash into the nearby brick wall, leaving a gory mess of what was once a human being.

"How could things have gone so wrong," she whispered sadly to herself after reloading all her weapons, ignoring the death she had caused around her while popping a few painkillers into her mouth.

It had all begun so well that it seemed like an unreal beautiful dream. Entering this time loop a day before Keitaro came to Hinata she used all her experiences and memories from earlier loops to make things for him and her work without any serious trouble. Thanks to her tutoring she had managed to get Keitaro into Tokyo U early on while also passing. Funny thing was that she was the one who proposed to him after they had gone out together for a year, impressing her friends and rivals for Keitaro's affection with her boldness. Keitaro managed to squeak out "yes." by the way before she glomped him and started kissing him like there was no tomorrow. Sure Kanako came in her way too often than she could remember but she could handle her as long as she watched her back.

Before the tragedy struck she thought that life with her loved ones in this loop would be peaceful, but fate had other things in store for her.

Ever since her husband Keitaro and their adopted infant daughter had been killed by gun-wielding drug addicts she had felt dead inside. Naru Urashima, time looper and wife of this reality's Keitaro had sworn to avenge their deaths.

Framed and hunted for the murder of a fellow undercover police officer, the former Tokyo U graduated tutor who became a detective in the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department was on the run from the law she had sworn to uphold.

The Tokyo Underworld was going to be drenched with blood once she got through to the one who killed her loved ones and framed her for this crime.

shoot dodging a ki-blast from a ki-using criminal, Naru decorated the nearby walls with his insides, courtesy of a well-placed shotgun blast.

This strange conspiracy was puzzling her even more and more due to the fact that ki-using martial artists turned hitmen were after her as well in this case... 

* * *

_Author's notes: __Just wanted to write a Naru as a action girl snippet for some reason._


	36. My Gift Is My Song

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina. And for some reason I was in a funny mood when I wrote this snippet..._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

36.

* * *

To most young men it was kind of romatic that your love interest boldly declares on stage in front of hundreds of people that she'll sing a song dedicated to you for putting up with her all those times and being loyal and steadfast; but Keitaro Urashima wondered if he really should have dissuaded Naru from entering this karaoke contest orchestrated by Kentaro Sakata. Not that Kentaro had any chance of snatching her away from him, but it was the lyrics of the song dedicated to him that freaked him out, considering that he never expected her to sing the song Hizamazuite Ashi Wo Oname from the anime adaptation of Princess Ressurection.

Looper Naru flashed her bespectacled flabbergasted lover a naughty smile when she finished singing and the crowd starting roaring in applause.

For some reason Kentaro Sakata felt sorry for Keitaro and was clearly glad that he wasn't in his shoes right now if Naru had starting getting these kind of tastes.

* * *

_Author's notes: This certainly was a short one..._


	37. Castle of Horrors

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina or the Wolfenstein games._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

37.

* * *

_World War II_

It would be a mystery of how, when and why the underage American girl named Sarah MacDougal joined the dreaded Schutzstaffel of national socialist Germany, but some people would guess it was due to her malevolent and often sociopathic nature that made her turn traitress in this time loop. She had been assigned to the all-female Elite Guard of the SS Paranormal Division as the youngest member.

Now clad in a form-fitting but yet non-restricting black leather uniform and wielding an exclusively made MP38 with an extended magazine with a sheathed dagger at her side she was guarding the secretive Castle Wolfenstein with its many sinister mysteries hidden within which soon would be unleashed upon the world.

Sarah sighed happily. "The dork screamed more than usual this time."

Keitaro Urashima had the misfortune of finding himself locked in the castle dungeons in this loop, and Sarah had a lot of fun using him for her own amusement and sudden whims when she had him brought to the interrogation chambers and let him experience horror and pain for hours without end.

As the young girl dreamily thought back those moment only but a few hours ago, she was snapped back to reality as a familiar voice carried by the chilly night wind appeared from behind her.

"Come, my little lamb Amirstan. My belly and tongue beckons for you." the petite cannibal chef crooned sweetly as she brandished her shiny, new Fairbairn-Sykes Fighting Knife.

Sarah's screams echoed through all of Schloss Wolfenstein...

* * *

_Author's notes: For some reason another forum member was dissatisfied with the GRAW loop snippet and demanded an "SS!Sarah" snippet for some reason. And strangely enough I added Cannibal Shinobu into it..._


	38. I don't want to set the world on fire

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina or Fallout 3._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

38.

* * *

_I don't want to set the world on fire... I just want to start a flame in your heart..._ the radio continued to play the song by the Ink Spots as the person in T-45d Power Armor made Tsuroko Aoyama literally explode into burning chunks of meat with his burning shishkebab while her younger sister Motoko Aoyama ran around screaming, being set ablaze seconds ago by the makeshift flaming sword of her soon-to-be murderer.

For Postal Keitaro, when things became too heavy to handle for his often strained psyche, the best thing to relieve stress was to embark on killing sprees unlike other looper incarnations of himself who tended to opt for more carnal and intimate pleasures instead (he also tended to kill those incarnations of him when they got in his way).

Naru had lost her head, courtesy of a well-placed headshot with Liddo-kun launched from his newest Rock-It Launcher, while Kaolla Su perished from the live Nuka grenade placed in her skirt pocket.

His cousin-slash-aunt he had literally nailed to pieces with his Railway Rifle on different spots on her body.

He smiled minutes later when he saw Seta's van and switched over to his Fat Man and catapulted a mini nuke that exploded on contact with the speeding vehicle sending automobile parts everywhere.

"Now where's granny?" he mused openly as a shivering Kitsune and Shinobu cowered behind the Hinata-sou, praying to whatever deities they could think of to save them from the rampaging, homicidal maniac. 

* * *

"I think I'll go over to Molmol," Keitaro suddenly decided on a whim, his suit making clanking sounds as he started walking away, brandishing his Experimental MIRV.

Kitsune and Shinobu let out sighs of relief when he left. 

* * *

Some time later the atomic bomb he had hidden under the inn-turned-dormitory exploded resulting in a big mushroom cloud in Hinata. 

* * *

"I always like to clean up after me!" Keitaro mumbled to himself from a safe distance and started to sing along with the song played on his radio.

* * *

_Author's notes: __Postal Keitaro with Fallout 3 gear is a scary thought indeed._


	39. Sith Happens

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina, Star Wars or the Bolo series._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

39.

* * *

If Sith Keitaro were to take a Sith name of old, he would out of spite say _Darth Snun-gills _due to the fact that all the really good names were already taken, and that the half-finished and discarded Sith holocron of Lord Kaan had stated critical opinions of the Darth title followed by arguments that great Sith Lords like Marka Ragnos and Naga Sadow had never made use of this title and neither had Exar Kun for that matter_. _He shuddered at the thought of once to have considered taking the name _Darth Sunshine _as a joke.

Darth Traya once said: '_Sith' is a title, yes, but like you, the title is not who I am. It is not what I believe_.

It gave him an excuse to postpone his official Sith titling for future loops.

The looper-turned-Sith Acolyte had experienced many adventures in the galaxy far, far away. He had died several times; become the lover of either Asajj Ventress or Aurra Sing; Hijacked a World Devastator from an earlier loop and turned the Death Star into a hearty meal and used all the raw material for more practical military ships; destroyed the galaxy by mass-producing droid replicas of Naru and Motoko and programmed them to see everything else as him with the Star Forge; Made his own swooper Sith gang by converting a handful of the Disciples of Ragnos to his cause and naming naming themselves the Biker Sith from Korriban and rocking Coruscant to the core; Rebuilding the Bando Gora after the demise of Komari Vosa and becoming the most infamous Sith drug lord in Galactic History and experienced many more misadventures throughout more loops than he could remember.

Golrath reminded him a bit of Mustafar when he first arrived here in this loop, but he had swiftly discarded thoughts of comparing volcanic planets and built his own Sith Temple where Golrath Station once stood. It certainly wasn't impressive looking like a makeshift ziggurat made of volcanic rock and capital ship parts, but it was good enough for a half self-trained Sith who still had a long way to go before trying to become THE Dark Lord of the Sith.

Currently he was waiting in his throne room for another looper version of himself, one who bore the callsign Postal Keitaro with pride whenever he went mad followed by indiscriminate mass destruction.

The thunderous explosions of military grade thermal detonators accompanied by the sound of slugthrowers and blaster rifles being fired and the insane laughter of someone who was an alternate looper version of himself, informed him of his steady progress.

Seconds later the barred metal double door enhanced by Sith Alchemy leading to this inner sanctum filled by the essence of the dark side was blown into oblivion by what seemed to be more explosives than needed for the task.

After a short while Postal Keitaro strode through the demolished doorway wearing T-51b Powered Infantry Armor, a power armour from another reality if Sith Keitaro wasn't mistaken, and holding a DC-15S blaster.

Sith Keitaro had trouble reading his Postal self because of the power helmet, but even he could see what his other self had in mind when he pointed his blaster rifle straight at him and unleashed bursts of blue blaster bolts at him.

Reacting quickly Sith Keitaro brought up his gloved hands without moving from his throne. The Force guided and protected him as he started deflecting and blocking all the shots that would hit him. Most of the shots missed him by a long shot, so it made things a bit easier.

After a few frantic minutes of Postal Keitaro blasting and Sith Keitaro blocking and deflecting, Postal Keitaro to his disappointment discovered that he had run out of power packs; Sith Keitaro on the other hand was jumping around in front of his throne waving his red hot gloved hands around frantically as if he wanted to get them off while screaming.

"Damn!" Sith Keitaro swore and removed the still hot crushgaunts from his burned hands and tossed them aside. "I don't see how Darth Vader could do this with only one hand!" The crushgaunts had been enhanced by the remains of the Paperweight of Simus found cluttered somewhere on Ziost. Maybe he should have used the Bondage Gear of Aleema Keto or the Rubber Ducky of Marka Ragnos as Dark Side components the next time he tried his hand at second-rate Sith Alchemy in creating proper protective gear.

"Let's see you block this!" Postal Keitaro discarded his blaster brought to bear a strange rifle-like contraption pointed in Sith Keitaro's direction.

Sith Keitaro desperately leapt behind his throne as several railway spikes were fired at him followed by sounds that reminded him of a steam whistle for each projectile fired. Seconds later he emerged from his hiding place while his adversary was reloading and drew his trusty Sith Tremor Sword from the sheath strapped to his to his side and started deflecting whatever railway spikes that were launched at him in a rapid succession.

"What? No lightsaber at all with that bloodshine blade look?" Postal Keitaro asked puzzled.

"My synth-crystal broke when my lightsaber short-circuited last week and the furnace for making them still needs fixing," Sith Keitaro admitted with a hint of embarrassment in his voice and blocked another shot fired at him with some effort. "And the fact that I seem to have hanged around the Bladeborn too much that they've rubbed off on me."

"Too bad," Postal Keitaro shrugged and pulled out an assault slugthrower, "You'd get one hell of a surprise if you tried deflecting this baby!" Pulling the trigger he opened fire on the Sith Acolyte who desperately began to block projectiles.

As one projectile nicked Sith Keitaro in the head he desperately brought out an open palm pointed at his other self. An invisible force struck Postal Keitaro with the force of a charging reek and sent him crashing into a wall, the slugthrower thrown into the opposite direction. The power armoured looper quickly regained his senses and was quickly on his feet as the other incarnation of himself unleashed lightning at him. Prepared for such an attack he activated his energy shield and braced himself. Even though the energy shield and power armour too most of it, he still could feel some pain of electrocution which he shrugged off. When the Force Lightning ceased to engulf him he began to slowly walk towards the Sith Acolyte, drawing his own sword that began to surround the blade with fire.

"Damn! Those things felt like cortosis-alloy bullets!" Sith Keitaro growled as he wiped the away some of the blood on his face.

"Pretty much," Postal Keitaro admitted while brandishing his makeshift flaming sword made from speeder bike and swoop parts. "And since this suit and sword also has been treated this way, it does give me a fighting edge against most lightsaber wielders." As he finished his sentenced he charged at him, intending to cut him wide open and set his guts on fire.

Sith Keitaro managed to block the strike and counter-attacked with a blow of his own which his Postal self blocked in return. The two Keitaros continued trying to hack each other to pieces, neither of them seeming to be able to overcome each others defences and inflict a mortal wound to end it. The Sith Acolyte bit his teeth together as both of them jumped back from each other to get some breathing space. His skills in Niman and his Force Sensitivity should have given him the upper hand in the duel, yet his fellow looper self seemed to match him in his own way using what could be seen as a unrefined version of Djem So and that his power armour allowed him to take more chances by letting him concentrate more on attacking while the armour absorbed the blows that managed to get through his guard. And every time he tried to use a Force Power requiring hand motion, his Postal self would try to hack off the arm he tried to use and kept close enough to swiftly counter him from using the Force properly.

After a nick on the sleeve of his Correllian flight suit starting setting the whole sleeve on fire, Sith Keitaro Force Jumped over his adversary who almost managed to cut his leg off in the process and ran out of the throne room.

He could hear Postal Keitaro hurl curses at him from behind almost deafening the clanking sounds of his power armour.

When the pursuing Postal Keitaro turned around a large corner he came face to face with something very unexpected. The ziggurat was huge but he didn't believe it was that huge to actually house this behemoth.

The giant tank which many would regard as a battle fortress of doom and destruction opened fire with its primary armaments followed by all the secondary armaments that could hit the homicidal postal looper.

The last thing Postal Keitaro heard before he perished was the voice of his other self in his head saying. _So long, sucker!_

When the smoke, dust and falling rubble cleared the coughing, burned and bleeding Sith Acolyte emerged from his hiding place having discarded his burning flight jacket before he led his other self into the death trap. Without any traces of fear he walked towards that massive Bolo and stopped in front of it.

"Are you okay, Sempai." the familiar voice of a young girl emanated from the giant tank.

"Nothing that a dose of bacta won't fix, Shinobu-chan" Sith Keitaro smiled and planted a grateful kiss on a part of the front hull.

"Auuuu!" the Bolo cried out as the turrets began to spin around in circles.

Sith Keitaro chuckled since he knew that she was both embarrassed and blissfully happy at the same time. In this loop he had taken Shinobu as a lover and treated her very much as if she was his wife. Then that terrible accident happened that fatally wounded her. Desperate to keep her by his side he had drawn on the power of the Dark Side in such a magnitude and way that he never had done before. When he realized that her dying body was beyond saving he made a desperate gamble to transfer her spirit and mind into that of a dead Bolo that she brought with her by accident from another loop. It had worked in the fact that she still was with him, but as a pretty powerful Bolo containing the spirit of a shy young girl. It would take a while before a high-quality clone of her real body would be grown so that he could transfer her spirit into a body of flesh and blood, but Shinobu didn't seem to mind much considering how big and powerful his "Shinobu-chan" currently was and that she had the potential of causing a lot of Dark Side Mayhem.

When Shinobu had managed to calm down Keitaro looked at him with a mischievous gleam in his eyes that would have made her heart beat wildly if she had been in a human body. "Say, Shinobu-chan: how about we take a few days vacation on Coruscant while the repairmen fix our place up? The boys from our Sith Swoop Gang would love to ride with us around the whole planet like we did the last time."

"Can we go to the Courscant Opera again?" Shinobu queried in a begging manner which was hard for him to say no to.

"Sure, my little rice muffin." Keitaro answered and started stroking the front of her hull and planting a few kisses here and there.

"Auuuu!"

Entering the giant Bolo carrying Shinobu's spirit was bit safer now than the first times. Shinobu almost overloaded with happiness and seemed to be so eager to please that she took more chances than he imagined she would take like that messy incident on Nar Shadda.. He always felt safe riding inside her and he knew she was happy to help and protect him when bad things started to happen.

Shinobu set course for heir personal ship carrying her Sith Acolyte sempai, looking forward to a night at the opera with her sempai and hanging out with the gang...

"_Statement: I must get one of these!_" HK-47 declared as he spied on the couple from his starship...

* * *

_Author's notes: Another forum member asked me if I could take up his challenge to write a Sith Keitaro vs. Postal Keitaro snippet. I thank him for passing it to me and pre-viewing the drafts I showed him before posting it on the forum. Postal Keitaro dosed himself on Med-X, Psycho, Nuka-Cola Quantum, Buffout and Yao Guai Meat before his attack BTW._

_And yeah I am starting to delve in the Bolo sci fi series recently._


	40. Shrinking Sith Violet

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina or Star Wars. How's that for a simple disclaimer statement?_

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

40.

* * *

...Shinobu Maehara, the petite Dark Lady of the Sith then made a small hand gesture with her gloved hand.

"Sempai, you will embrace me and hold me in your arms."

Keitaro nodded at what seemed an obvious statement"I will embrace you and hold you in my arms, Shinobu-chan..."

"And then you will kiss me." she made another gesture.

"...and kiss you." he then finished.

"Very good, Sempai." Shinobu smiled, her blue eyes twinkling with mischief.

The young manager embraced the younger girl, holding her gently as if she was a fragile porcelain doll that would break if he held her firmer. She in return wrapped her small arms around him at the best of her ability.

She looked up at him in anticipation, seeing that he had closed his eyes behind those big square-framed spectacles of his and was slowly leaning his head downwards. She in return closed her own eyes and leaned upwards on her toes, trying not to trip on her high-heeled shoes.

As she readied herself for his lips meeting that of her own, she was met with a shattering sense of disappointment when she felt the gentle touch of his lips on her forehead.

When Keitaro Urashima raised his head upwards and opened his eyes and looked down he saw Shinobu glaring at him with a dissatisfied pout, that internally made him chuckle a bit, seeing how cute she was looking now.

"Mou! That's not fair, Sempai! You're supposed to do as I say." Shinobu tried to make her eyes look like two blue orbs of balefire, but to the older young man it seemed more like a tiny fairytale princess trying to look cross at her knight and champion but failing miserably due to looking too cute.

"That's what you get for trying to use a mind trick with the Force on me." Keitaro gave out a gentle laugh as he finished his sentence.

"How?" Her beautiful blue eyes had a puzzled look.

The young manager whistled an innocent tune and produced a small Sith Amulet from his pocket. "This thingmajig pretty much protects me from mind-affecting Force powers but not the others. I think Dreypa made it so he could manage to stuff Karness Muur into his oubliette but never got the chance to"

He felt Shinobu trying to twist and tear herself out of his embrace as he saw tears starting to form in her eyes. When she finally tore herself loose and took a few running steps from him she then almost began to trip if not for her gentle pursuer who caught her in time when her hastily descending face was inches from the floor.

"Whew!" Keitaro sighed in relief. "That was a close one, Shinobu-chan! Let's just say that running in high heels is not a wise thing."

Shinobu turned while still being held, looking straight at him with a look that almost pierced his heart with massive moe. She was smiling and her tears of rejection and sadness had transcended into ones of happiness.

While Keitaro had been earlier taken aback by her act of unexpected boldness by wearing a black gothic lolita dress with a black velvet choker and elbow-length silk gloves, he was further taken aback by her taking a small leap forward out of his arms, embracing his neck with her black-gloved hands and then gave him a soulful kiss that made his legs buckle.

To Keitaro that didn't seem so bad despite a small voice in the back of his mind screaming hysterically that he was being unfaithful towards Narusegawa and that Shinobu-chan was too young for him. He just trapped that voice further in a veil of darkness that muffled it and returned the Dark Lady of the Sith's kiss.

She may be too nice to be a proper Sith, but she seemed more than capable of conquering him body and soul with her adorable failures and her determination to make him hers...

* * *

_Author's notes: To be honest this small snippet didn't start out as a looper snippet but was posted on another thread about ideas currently centred on an evil Shinobu failing adorably in seducing Keitaro. But I figured it would also fit here as a looper snippet._

_Basically the beginning was a bit shamelessly copied from a sequence in Labyrinth of Evil by James Luceno and the rest inspired from the Sae Nakata arc from the anime adaptation of Amagami._


	41. Born To Be Wild

_Disclaimer: I don't own any of the anime and manga characters mentioned in this snippet._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

41.

* * *

"Where the hell is he?" Naru Narusegawa muttered, tinges of impatience and anger in her voice. "We were supposed to study together and he's late!"

"Ara?" Her study partner from Okinawa looked up from the notes and books she was working on. "Now that you mention it Urashima-kun should've been here by now. I wonder what's keeping him up?"

"Yeah, Mutsumi. I bet something fishy is going on and that Keitaro's somehow behind it." Naru jumped up as she declared it.

"But what exactly is Urashima-kun doing?" Mutsumi Otohime asked her younger friend.

"Dunno," Naru admitted glumly and sat down again by their study table. "Beats me what that idiot and pervert is up to now."

"You could ask the others if they've seen him," Mutsumi advised with a friendly smile.

"Okay, just let me finish a page or two of notes and we'll find out where he's at." 

* * *

Somewhere far away from Hinata several individuals on motorcycles resembling choppers were just beginning on their maiden trek cruising around all the parts on the country their bikes could carry them, passing through small towns and villages and large cities with a confidence strengthened by the number of the travellers and the safety that came with numbers.

The sound of Born to be Wild by Steppenwolf was coming from multitudes of radios from these mechanized vehicles.

Ryouga Hibiki was humming along with the catchy tone coming from the radio attached to his motorcycle while his girlfriend Akari clung to his back.

Nozomu Itoshiki was doing his utmost from going into his usual episodes of despair, critical thoughts about society and biker sub culture echoing through his skull.

Tenchi Masaki was just happy to take some time off from Ayeka and Ryoko and everything in general that happened in his chaotic life like the occasional threat from outer space of the week..

Negi Springfield cried out and clung tighter to Asuna Kagurazaka as she increased the speed of her impressive chopper, the bells in her hair tinkling as she took the lead, looking forward to when the cover version by Slayer would come up on the radio, she had gotten interested in metal after her team-up with Eddie Riggs some loops ago.

Tomoya Okazaki's bike had a sidecar where his wife Nagisa and their daughter Ushio were seated, and all three of them seemed to enjoy what they saw as a family trip with a mismatched gang of people who didn't seem to have much in common with each other but still found themselves together on a journey.

Inu-Yasha pinched his nose while seated in the sidecar of Kagome's bike, holding onto Kagome's bow and quiver of arrows. The half-demon had to admit that Kagome Higurashi looked quite alluring dressed up as a biker and sporting sunglasses.

The young Chinese martial artist having the misfortune being named Pantyhose Taro had only joined this trek in order to search for Happosai throughout the country and try again and again to make the old man change his accursed name.

The entire SOS Brigade, all of them mounted on their separate bikes except for Mikuru Asahina who was crying and clinging to the young man bearing the nickname Kyon.

Keitaro Urashima was whistling along as pearly laughter came from his travelling companion Amara Su, the princess and older sister of princess Kaolla Su of Molmol, who held on gently but firmly to him.

There were so many others on the journey that he had trouble remembering all of them, but he did think he saw Onizuka somewhere. He just hoped that all the other people looking for them wouldn't catch up yet. This loop was starting to get interesting after all when Amara offered to teach him all the carnal delights only a princess of the blood royal of Molmol could give...

* * *

_Author's notes: Yeah, I wrote this snippet while listening to that Steppenwolf song..._


	42. Got a Force Crush on You

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina, Star Wars or anything else referenced to here._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

42.

* * *

If there was something philosophically a postal looper incarnation of Keitaro Urashima thought about a lot of times these loops – it was if he was really an avatar of madness and mass-destruction, the ultimate scourge of humanity. Well he could actually be quite stable and function normally like most of his standard incarnations when re-inserted as a sane guy as long as he kept away from severe head trauma and multiple concussions that often led to him eagerly embracing insanity like a long-lost lover and kill most people that his consciousness and subconsciousness told him to kill.

The galaxy far, far away certainly wasn't his favourite joint. The Sith Acolyte version of himself tended to live in this universe and get by somehow, but then again both of them had different preferences when it came to personal philosophies and love life in general. He on the other hand tended to stick to the post-apocalyptic versions of Earth like the Capital Wasteland or go high-rolling in New Vegas and simultaneously stockpile all kinds of different weapons that would kill people in entertaining ways.

Postal Keitaro didn't have any spider sense, but a dire sense of foreboding told him this time he was going to be killed... again!

Sure he had gotten somewhat used to being killed throughout several loops as a dire consequence of his postal rampages, but some of the ways he died did send a cold chill from the grave up his spine. Like the time Rorschach got hold of him or when Joker decided to have some fun at his expense.

Currently he was stuck in the main bridge of a carrier and destroyer of the Providence-class, a relic from the infamous Clone Wars that still could hold its own against most capital ships. The problem here wasn't any starships or starfighters but rather the Sith Lord wanting to end his existence.

He didn't have to wait long before the blast doors fell victim to a relentless bombardment of telekinetic force blasts that blew them off their hinges.

"Not him again!" Postal Keitaro groaned as a black armoured figure entered.

"You have eluded me for the last time." a metallic voice stated.

"Is it just me or do you have something against me, Starkiller?" Keitaro queried sardonically.

"Your actions against the Empire has made the Emperor most displeased." Starkiller said bluntly as a sledgehammer impacting against an anvil.

"Just great! You kill a few Emperor's Hands here and a few Imperial Inquisitors there and massacre the entire Shadow Guard, and then the great Darth Sidious, Sith Emperor of the Galactic Empire that is in reality a two-man Sith Empire thinks I'm a threat to him for killing off his small fry!" Keitaro muttered in annoyance. All those Force Sensitives had been at the wrong place at the wrong time when his postal mode switched on.

"Which prove that you are a threat to the peace, order and stability the Empire represents." Starkiller continued in confirmation.

"Enough talk! Let's see if all that training in Teräs Käsi's been worth it!" Keitaro declared and began his attack.

Wearing a Phase II clone trooper armour the postal looper clicked the attached vibroblades into place and charged the Dark Lord. The bloodshine blade easily parried and deflected the blows against its wielder but as the Sith Lord counter-attacked Keitaro became a blur as he dodged all the lightsaber strikes.

"Clone Assassin training," the Dark Lord stated in amusement, " Impressive. However that will not help you."

Postal Keitaro then hastily sidestepped a blast of Force Lightning and was then forced to jump in a zigzag pattern to avoid the telekinetic assault that followed. He knew from experience that despite the crippling of Starkiller at the hands of Palpataine he was still a dangerous assassin on par with Darth Maul and not to be underestimated.

They crossed blades once again, cortosis-alloyed vibroblades against lightsaber, each of them trying to find their mark but still unable to due to the skill of the helmeted wielders.

The two continued exchanging blows, the Sith occasionally utilizing Force Push to try to hit his agile adversary but still missing due to the effective dodging of the postal looper.

"Your skills are impressive, but it is nothing compared to the power of the Dark Side." Starkiller then said and held out an open-stretched hand in Keitaro's direction.

What Postal Keitaro would've described this experience in a concise manner would be to compare it to a rag doll being hurled mercilessly and repeatedly against the walls, the ground and occasionally the ceiling.

"AAARGH!"

"AIEEEE!"

"NONONONO!AAAAHHH!"

Finally he was slammed down on the ground like a toy tossed away by a child grown tired of it.

"Now you will suffer for your insolence!" The Dark Lord of the Sith declared as he looked down on his fallen adversary.

"Do your worst!" Keitaro taunted defiantly with a grim grin. "Your cheap tricks don't scare me."

"I find your lack of faith... disturbing."the Sith Lord stated darkly and then made determined motions with his hands that boded ill for the young man at his mercy.

Postal Keitaro's suit and consequently himself was crunched into a ball of metal and flesh slowly. His dying sounds were even more unpleasant than the sight of him being crunched.

And then the still working sensor module in the chest plate transmitted the self-destruct signal.

The high-yield H-bomb hidden away on the ship detonated without giving the Sith Lord a chance to escape the prepared death trap.

Postal Keitaro had taken to heart what his wife from a former loop, Private Vasquez, had taught him: the practical philosophy of taking them with you when handling hordes of vicious acid-spewing, acid-bleeding xenomorphs and all your ammo is used up. 

Before he died his last thoughts were (maybe I'll get to see Vasquez again in the next loop...)

* * *

_Author's notes: Someone else let me use his idea to make a snippet where Postal Keitaro was literally Force Crushed into a ball of metal and flesh. And it gave me the opportunity to use a sudden idea inspired from the Take him with you card from the Aliens vs. Predator card game. And too bad the Force Unleashed games didn't seem to include the Clone Assassins..._


	43. The Fox and the Ronin

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina and I still can't or won't write lemons even if it meant that it would save my life! Lime and vanilla I think I can manage however..._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

43.

* * *

_Kitsune stirred beside her newfound lover, mumbling something incoherently about a bathtub filled with sake and being covered in chocolate sauce and cherry toppings. He then gently pulled the duvet up to cover her bare, naked shoulders, hoping not to wake her._

_Even if Keitaro could be almost as blind as a bat, when it came to recognizing faces through the hazy blur, without his square-framed glasses, he knew that his beautiful fox, as he affectionately called her, had a content enough look on her face._

_Here the two of them were – stuck in the room of a love hotel; and not to mention completely naked after having a further step into a new relationship, and only covered by the duvet on the bed where they both lay beside each other. _

* * *

In this loop he had revealed to his tenants at the Hinata-sou that he was giving up on Tokyo University and had instead applied for Meiritsu university. And that was while everyone was enjoying breakfast and the atmosphere felt friendly and safe enough to divulge this change of mind.

He hoped that Narusegawa and Motoko-chan were in a mood that was encouraging and understanding, but with his brand of luck the probability was of a low percentage and they reacted with outrage. Naru's look of being betrayed and her eyes suppressing tears caused pangs of pain in his heart as she pulled back a clenched fist she was going to forcefully connect to his jaw. Motoko was just being simply Motoko and declared that he had showed his true cowardly colours and was reaching for Shisui to punish him for the greatest transgression since the time he let a cousin stay over for a few days with her multitude of turtle pets.

Luckily Seta had been dining with them and had wholeheartedly and without hesitation accepted Keitaro's choice, stating that the part-timer was free to make his own choices in life and that the archaeologist served as an excellent bodyguard to hide behind while screaming at the top of his lungs to save him from Naru and Motoko.

In hindsight he probably shouldn't have done that, considering Seta's driving skills or complete lack of following traffic safety rules.

Still, after things had calmed down, life went on almost as usual at the inn-turned-dormitory. He passed the entry exam for Meiritsu University without serious trouble, courtesy of the tutoring of Naru when still trying for Toudai. And since Seta had awakened in him a growing curiosity about things in the past, researching, uncovering and studying them in detail, it was only natural that he would choose to study archaeology. While the facilities of his university certainly couldn't match that of Toudai, he deemed them adequate enough; and most of the lectures given were easy to understand.

For some reason still unknown to him he had started courting the dormitory's resident vixen and sake-guzzling trickster Mitsune Konno who went with her nickname Kitsune as if that was her real given name.

Maybe it was because she liked having fun and tried to live her life out to the fullest by indulging her many whims while maintaining that foxy smile of hers and her eyelids partially closed that gave her an allure of mystique and temptation.

It began with him spending a little more time with her like watching horse racing on the television or just starting conversations about all kinds of stuff. And as certain as the sun would rise he would sometimes end up in accidents that brought the two of them in quite questionable positions, even if he was starting to get a bit better by avoiding some of those accidents; and as predicted Naru Narusegawa and Motoko Aoyama were as ready as ever in giving out punishment.

After some time had gone by he did notice the resident vixen starting little by little to act more friendly towards him while simultaneously showering him with a bit more affection and teasing.

Finally one night in a pub she had confronted him about him having feelings for her and distancing himself from her younger friend Naru while they were seated at a small table. Stuttering her had admitted that he was in love with her, while traces of blushing radiated on his cheeks.

Mitsune then sighed with defeated look and demanded quite bluntly that he had to return to Naru, which he politely objected to, asking her if that was what she really wanted in her heart. And if she was tired of suppressing her own wishes and desires, stepping aside for years, when all she needed to do was to simply seize the day and throw caution to the wind.

After a time of silence, that to the young archaeology student seemed an eternity, the woman known as Kitsune gave him a wicked, fox-like smile, opening her eyes slightly so that he could see them twinkling with mischief and passion.

* * *

The love hotel she had led him to, seemed like a decent place – at least the room the two of them had rented was decent enough to be confused with an average hotel room hadn't this place been a love hotel.

And after some talking and confiding both of them were on the bed in only their underwear, making out passionately, or at least Keitaro tried to be passionate even though he knew he was completely inexperienced and let Mitsune take the initiative.

Straddled as he was by the Kitsune in human form, he then reached up with his hands, stroking her smooth back and began to clumsily unhook her bra. She on the other hand seemed to shift her hands so that they gripped his boxers. As the bra fell off he raised himself a bit up and showered her faces with warm kisses that made her purr in satisfaction as she pressed a nearby switch that left the room in almost-darkness, as the two embraced lovers gave into the passion they had ignited completely...

* * *

"…I love you, Mitsune," he whispered gently at her through the haze, his voice carrying emotions such as love and attachment.

"Call me Kitsune, Kei-kun," she mumbled in a gruff manner without opening her eyes . He felt one of her arms stroke his stomach. "You up for some more?"

Keitaro shot her a sheepish look, "Sure, but shouldn't we be going soon? The others might get worried and you know how-"

He didn't get to say more as a forefinger on his lips interrupted him. "Let them wait, lover."

Keitaro quickly agreed to this and kissed her.

He hoped the engagement ring he was saving up money to buy for her was acceptable...

* * *

_Author's notes: I hope OkagetheShadowKing actually decides to review this snippet unless he wants to get on my bad side since it was he who asked me to make a Keitaro x Kitsune snippet. Actually he asked me to make a lemon snippet, but seriously I've never been good at that..._


	44. Have Yourself a Scary Little Christmas!

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina, Tales from the Crypt, Itsudatte My Santa, the Bolo series and other works of fiction referenced to here in this severely disgusting snippet that was inspired by listening to songs from the Tales From The Crypt: Have Yourself A Scary Little Christmas album..._

_And don't tell me that I didn't warn you if you're still reading this snippet..._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

44.

* * *

_Christmas was being celebrated at the Hinata-sou this night._

_Snow continued to descend from the sky accompanied by a chilly wind._

_Unfortunately the Christmas being celebrated in this time loop was quite out of the ordinary..._

* * *

"...Deck the hall with parts of Charlie... Fa la la la la la la la la..." the petite chef sang happily like a siren leading sailors to certain doom. Her blue eyes were filled with glee as she decorated the Hinata-sou with her sempai who was preoccupied at the moment with the Christmas tree he was decorating.

Most people would recognize her as Shinobu Maehara; but it wasn't like any of the more normal incarnations of the young girl – for this Shinobu was a time looper and most importantly a cannibalistic serial killer who partook in the consumption of human flesh of mutilated victims, be they alive or dead.

And her sempai wasn't any better considering that he was also a time looper: the going under the callsign Postal Keitaro and predictably went on postal rampages that often cost the lives of anyone or anything that crossed his path even the other looper incarnations of himself. Now he was just decorating the Christmas...with the remains of several corpses slain by his or his accomplice's hand.

The remains of Cop Keitaro, Sith Keitaro, Kaolla Su, Haruka Urashima, Seta Noriyasu, Motoko Aoyama, Mitsune Konno, Kentaro Sakata, Masayuki Haitana and Kimiaki Shirai were used to decorate the halls of the Hinata-sou and the Christmas tree by the two lethal looper lunatics.

But the crowning piece hanging on the Christmas was the head of Naru Narusegawa on top of the grotesque Christmas tree, the rest Cannibal Shinobu-chan had confiscated as the main Christmas course for her.. and him if he was up to cannibalism again..

"We wished you'd bury the Missus... We wished you'd bury the Missus... We wished you'd bury the Missus... It's been a long year..." Keitaro sang as he hung up the skull his Sith looper self on a branch.

"I just love Christmas! Don't you, sempai?" Shinobu chirped happily while munching on a half-eaten finger.

"Sure do, Shinobu-chan," Postal Keitaro flashed her a smile, "All our victims never saw that coming!" he ended his sentence by tittering madly.

When they were done with their grisly task, Keitaro called Shinobu over to large sack that was twitching.

"What's that, Urashima-sempai?" Shinobu had a cute but hungry look on her face as she chewed on the cleanly-picked finger bone.

"My Christmas gift to you, of course, my dear?" the postal looper revealed and opened the sack.

The live contents in the sack were revealed to be Sarah MacDougal and Hina Urashima tied up and gagged, staring at them with bottomless horror...

"Why, sempai!" Shinobu gasped, "You know that lamb Amirstan is my favourite and you're giving it to me as a gift on Christmas!"

"Anything to appease your endless hunger, Shinobu-chan," Keitaro waved her off.

(But just you wait, my sempai! When you're not watching your back your going to be my next Christmas dish!) Shinobu thought sweetly as her body tingled in a cute way.

(When she lets her guard down, I'm going to chop her up with the axe and make her my greatest Christmas ornament!) Postal Keitaro thought with a twisted grin on his face as his hands began to twitch.

The Cryptkeeper chuckled with glee as the kiddies who invited him over for Cryptmas and were entertaining him by singing his own Christmas "songs" and planning to murder one another. He himself had prepared a trap for the santa named Mai and her reindeer Pedro and would probably get the boy named Santa stuck in his quicksand trap as well!

They sure didn't make Christmas like they used to...And was that a Bolo he was seeing through the window, bulldozing through town and aiming all its armaments at the inn-turned-dormitory?

* * *

_Author's notes: Scaring myself over what I can actually write is something I can do to myself._


	45. A Christmas Night

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina_

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

45.

* * *

The engagement ring that he had just placed on her finger was a simple gold band without any other fancy decoration. And with a sudden burst of strength he had never believed her frail body would possessed she had grabbed him and pulled him with her so that they stood under a mistletoe. The young manager of the Hinata-sou then kissed his embracing fiancé gently under the mistletoe on the night of Christmas Eve.

"You're getting better at kissing, Urashima-kun," she smiled at him as her eyes opened more, revealing her gentle brown eyes that never failed to make him feel at ease around her when those orbs so filled with life would gaze at him lovingly. Unlike the normally close-slitted eyes of the resident sake drinker who always seemed to contain an atmosphere of allure and mystique in them hers gave off one of part strangeness and part niceness.

Keitaro looked back with a bashful smile, "That's because you're a good teacher, my love." He then emitted a nervous laugh.

She then kissed him back, and as they kissed she could feel his hands stroke her hair and back until they placed themselves on her shoulders.

"In the future I'm going to be Mrs. Urashima," she laughed giddily.

He chuckled lightly. "If you want to I could marry into your family instead, Mutsumi. I don't think Keitaro Otohime would sound so bad after all."

"Maybe," Mutsumi replied with a mischievous grin that would've suited Kitsune more.

He hadn't really expected his girlfriend to ask him to spend Christmas with her and her family in Okinawa, but he wasn't against this request at all and had nodded compliantly to it.

Spending time with the Otohimes was pleasant enough. Mutsumi's siblings didn't seem to mind him being in a relationship with their sister. They had warmed up to him after he spent time playing with the youngest of them, making sketches for the older ones of manga and anime characters they liked. They really liked the one of Sailor Moon sitting on a throne with a content smirk on her face while Tuxedo Kamen and Sailor Star Fighter gave her bare feet foot massages.

Mutsumi's parents seemed to accept him as well, easily getting along with him despite his own misgivings about his own character. But they had scoffed at his negative feelings and told him that he was a nice and decent enough fellow that would be able to make their daughter happy.

It was as he was part of a family again.

He and his family had had a bad falling out ever since he tried to get into the prestigious Tokyo University, only Kanako seemed to have stood by him despite her misgivings about him wanting so desperately to get into Toudai.

It made him reminisce about the time when got along with everyone in the family like the last Christmas all four of them spent together and how his parents and Kanako had praised the Christmas dessert he had made.

"Is something wrong, Keitaro?" Her query snapped him out of his self-induced trance.

Keitaro had a sincere look on his face and sighed. "Not really, Mutsumi," and continued, "It's just that I thought back to the time I spent Christmas with my family."

"They must be fond memories."

"Yeah, they were. My parents and I aren't that close any more. Not since I came to Hinata..."

Mutsumi hugged him, taking his mind away from the past. "But now I'm here for you, Keitaro. I'll try talking to them."

"Thanks, Mutsumi," he said and kissed her again.

Unfortunately after the kiss Mutsumi's anaemia kicked in again and she fainted in her beloved's arms.

Keitaro took it in stride and carried her to her room. After laying her down a few of Mutsumi's siblings dragged him out of her room, asking him to play with them.

As the anaemic maiden began to snore, dreams and thoughts started to course through her mind. Like her fateful decision in this time loop to take Keitaro for herself... and to blazes with stepping aside! And in this reality she had made it...

* * *

_Author's notes: Thought I might soothe the ones who read my earlier snippet with this one._


	46. Interception!

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina or X-COM_

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

46

* * *

"...Good hunting...over..." the German pilot lastly said to her before turning his craft back.

"Copy that, Flieger Feuersturm... Psycho Tsundere over and out..." the interceptor pilot acknowledged in heavily accented English and switched to the pre-plotted trajectory HQ had sent her that would give her the highest percentage of intercepting the UFO.

Banking viciously to her right the combat aircraft, with a pin-up figure on its right nose of two men, one with square glasses and the other, older one with rectangular glasses, but all tied up in bondage fashion with ball gags in their mouths, streaked through the skies like a bullet launched from the barrel of a gun.

The X-COM base in Hinata, Japan had given the go-sign for her launch the moment X-COM Europe in Germany had alerted that their newest interceptor, fuelled by the extraterrestrial energy source dubbed Elerium-115 was forced to return to base due to being low on fuel. Now it was up to her, the self-proclaimed top ace of South East Asia to blow the alien invaders from the skies.

The dual pulse detonation engines let out painful groans of strain as she increased the speed of her craft. Despite its sluggishness she adamantly refused to part with her trusty Interceptor who had served her well in combat missions over Mongolia and Russia and many other places around the globe. The Psycho Tsundere had seen many things, like the she and fellow Interceptors Air Vixen equipped with only six Avalanche missiles each had assisted in the desperate base defence of X-COM Hinata when an Alien Battleship was out for blood in a retaliation mission. Missile defences had streaked the air, impacting and detonating on the hull of the Alien UFO while the fragile Interceptors dodged plasma fire and delivered their lethal payload despite being scorched and partly melted. The Battleship had finally turning into a massive fireball crashing down into the sea, drowning the surviving aliens.

She could have switched her trusty partner with one of those slick, new Firestorm interceptors that resembled those old flying saucers of classic science fiction, but she had become attached to the old girl.

Her monitor and radar indicated that the trajectories of the UFO and hers would soon cross paths. The HQ radars and statements from the German interceptor pilot had identified it as a medium UFO class craft, possibly an Abductor or a Harvester class: easy prey for her Interceptor if she got close enough without them outrunning her.

She wasn't worried at all of being shot down, having herself overseen the the equipping and rearming of Psycho Tsundere hours before mission start. This was going to be a piece of cake for her.

Finally the Interceptor got close enough to the UFO, closing distance between them rapidly as anticipation ran through her body and sweat trickled from her brow under her visored flight helmet. The HUD started beeping and began transmitting data swiftly.

Switching on her radio, she spoke to the comm-operator in Hinata, "This is Psycho Tsundere to HQ..." -she pressed a button to transmit live video feed - "...Target is confirmed as a Harvester... over..."

The radio receivers crackled into life. "...This is Hinata HQ... We've received your data... Proceed with interception...over."

"Affirmative, HQ...Psycho Tsundere...over and out..."

Getting close to the UFO seemed like an eternity for her, but finally the HUD transmitted that it was beginning missile lock-on

For some reason she found herself sing the Power of Lard by Lard as she waited.

"...Poison oak really is the aphrodisiac of the gods..." - her HUD confirmed lock-on - "...When people are asleep we must all become alarm clocks.." She pressed the button she affectionately called her best friend and Stingray missiles crashed into the Harvester one after another. Pressing another friendly button her laser cannon inflicted a vicious scorch mark on the grey hull.

Desperately the Harvester began opening fire with its plasma batteries. She rolled her craft sideways, avoiding a plasma blast that would have hit her wing and let loose her last missiles while her laser continued burning and melting the UFO. One of the missiles seemed to have hit something vital under the armour plating that had been burned away or weakened by a laser bolt as the UFO began to tilt slightly down at the ground as if gravity had caught it in its merciless tendrils and forcing it down to hastily meet the ground.

Trailing fire and smoke the Harvester began to hastily fall, its alien pilots desperately trying to keep it in the air while attempting an emergency landing. The following sound as it hit the ground reminded the interceptor pilot of the UFOs she had shot down in the past. Like the time Sky Princess, Air Vixen and Psycho Tsundere had worked together to bring down a Terror Ship that finally crashed down into an uninhabited island.

The radio was switched on. "Pyscho Tsundere here... Enemy UFO has crash-landed in the Ural Mountains... I'm transmitting trajectory and co-ordinates... over.."

"Acknowledged, Psycho Tsundere... We are sending the Skyranger over to clean up... over and out..."

Circling the flaming wreckage for the last time, the Interceptor headed back to base.

Naru Narusegawa sighed. The studies were hard enough on their own, but trying to protect the planet and studying at the same time certainly spelled death for most of her private life. She hadn't seen Mei for what seemed like ages. That thieving cat Motoko was trying to steal away **her **Keitaro whenever she wasn't stationed in the Skyranger with the rest of the X-COM soldiers or in the field. Maybe she should hack one of the Mecha Tamas X-COM used as alternative HWPs and combat drones to terrorize her so much that she didn't have time **stealing him** from her.

At least when this mission was over she could spend some quality time with Keitaro and enjoy those back massages she loved.

* * *

_Author's notes: Though I'd introduce X-COM Naru, a courageous interceptor pilot who in her trusty Interceptor makes the Aliens in their UFOs feel her wrath. You can probably guess from the names of the other crafts who the pilots are._


	47. Precautions!

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina or any of the songs referenced here..._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

47.

* * *

The karaoke duet of the pair continued as another song they had chosen began to play.

Gimme, Gimme, Gimme by Narada Michael Walden and Patti Austin was what people at the wedding reception were now receiving.

While the bridegroom didn't have the singing talent that the bride possessed, his efforts did endear the audience as he continued singing with her 'till the song was over.

Keitaro and Naru Urashima waved gratefully at the applauding audience who cheered and whistled.

"How about you take a rest, honey?" Naru said to her husband with a smile that made his heart skip a bit. "You look a bit exhausted."

"Yeah, even after all those rehearsals we went through I still get worn out so easily after just a few songs." Keitaro admitted as he tried to catch his breath and drank gratefully from the bottle of water she gave him.

Naru had become a producer for a studio belonging to a music company after graduating from the university where she had studied music and a quite successful one at that. Keitaro had decided on trying to become a doctor after getting into Tokyo University, which he managed in the end after having a few setbacks and successes.

Funny that she after doing a surprise performance during a concert, she had proposed to her boyfriend on live television after dragging him on stage and pushing the mike into his face and asking what his answer was. When he said yes the audience erupted into applause, cheering, whistling and waving. As an encore Naru did a cover of Tell It to My Heart by Taylor Dayne that made them even go wilder.

Too bad the other girls didn't take this news that very well. They tended to be that way when in time loops where they were more active and aggressive in their pursuit of Keitaro's heart and affections, and a real pain in the neck at that. It certainly was no walk in the park when competing with Mutsumi Otohime when she really got serious and wasn't keen on stepping aside for anyone – even if it was her. At least they were able of temporary alliances in order to counter whatever Motoko and Kanako came up with to tip the scales in their favour. Her best friend Mitsune, alias Kitsune, was starting to become a formidable rival with her romantic drinking buddy act (she even managed to reel in Keitaro in many earlier loops). Always having to prevent Su from shanghaiing Keitaro to Molmol was starting to give her some serious headaches that not even painkillers could dull. She remembered the times she had to go Modesty Blaise to extract Keitaro from the clutches of the fair Molmolian princess... sometimes even two when Kaolla wanted to share the clumsy manager with her sister Amalla. Early on she had learned not to underestimate Shinobu since she had developed a knack for worming herself into Keitaro's soft heart, but most of the time playing on Keitaro's intense fear of ending up behind bars for child molestation and statutory rape and ending up the prison bitch of some big-muscled, tattooed yakuza thug and being force to dine on cockroaches stuck in his food would put a stop to Shinobu's tricks (she felt a bit bad about doing that, but only a little).

You could never be too certain that the other girls would try to play wedding crashers, so this time she had drugged them, tied them up and locked them inside the underground tunnels under the Hinata-sou and replaced them with lifelike android copies during the entire wedding. She wasn't certain if Keitaro was on to her switcharoo scheme, but he didn't seem to have said that he noticed something weird like the Kaolla-bot petting and feeding Tama-chan without trying to eat her whatsoever when the opportunity arose.

She was about to ask her husband if he was up to another song now, but was interrupted by a thunderous detonation coming from underneath the inn-turned-dormitory, followed by others. The last explosion made a big hole in the ground – and out of it emerged Mitsune "Kitsune" Konno, Kanako Urashima, Motoko Aoyama, Kaolla Su, Shinobu Maehara and Mutsumi Otohime, all of them suppressing coughs while looking burnt and scorched a bit... and from the looks of it they weren't happy at all which was a serious understatement.

"Uh-oh!" Naru squeaked as goosebumps streaked over her back.

Slowly, methodically they strode towards her; their eyes not promising good things in the future.

"You're dead meat!" they all growled in perfect synchronization and prepared to charge her.

Naru Urashima acted swiftly by tearing off her long skirt and swung it around for momentum before she threw the large piece of fabric at them, obstructing their vision as well as distracting them.

Her husband quickly realized why she had chosen to wear tennis shoes during the entire wedding as he found himself yanked after her by his sleeve as she made for the stone stairs leading down from the Hinata-sou with the other girls hot on her trail and him trailing blood from his nostrils.

Arriving at their car, Naru opened the door and threw her now husband Keitaro into the drivers seat and slammed the door shut. Then she ran over to the other side and seated herself beside him on the adjacent seat.

"Step on it, darling!" Naru shouted.

He obliged to his wife's request naturally, seeing the burning fury in the eyes of the other girls who were rapidly approaching them.

The van they had inherited from Seta began swiftly to roll away from where it had so recently been parked.

"I hope the new engine we rigged into this car can make us outrun Motoko-chan," Keitaro shouted to her over the roar of the powerful car engine.

"But then again, maybe not," was Naru's deadpan comment as she looked behind her and saw the dust trail closing in on them.

"Do we still have the paint bucket we filled with oil in the back seat?" he queried anxiously, but still kept his eyes on the road.

"Good idea, Keitaro!"

Opening the side window of her door, Naru hurled the cylindrical missile on the road behind the van. Motoko Aoyama enraged as she was paid no heed to the oil slick and as a result lost her balance and crashed into a lamp post after sliding out of control.

"Ouch!" Naru winced in sympathy as she witnessed here handiwork. "That certainly has got to hurt!"

"No kidding, Naru," Keitaro added. "But where to now?"

"Gee, Hokkaido sounds like a nice place to visit now," Naru suggested with a smug smirk as they made their escape from town...

_End song: No Lookin' Back by Kenny Loggins..._

* * *

_Author's notes: Funny how long time it took before I actually posted something here again. But then writing can be harder than it looks. Just wanted to write another one of my Naru-centric loop snippets again and just make her a bit sneakier._


	48. Earning some extra credits

_Disclaimer: I do not own Love Hina, Star Wars, Ai Yori Aoshi, Midori no Hibi, Bolo, Vampire: The Masquerade or anything else referenced to here._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

48.

* * *

On the city-planet Coruscant, in the old industrial area dubbed "The Works", lay a ziggurat-like new building that housed the galaxy-wide, popular Bull Rancor publishing who published their popular role playing games and fiction based on their dark, gothic universe.

This was the Galaxy of Darkness universe that took the galaxy by storm with its most popular role playing game Anzat: The Masquerade followed by others like Huhk: The Apocalypse, Force User: The Ascension, Force Spirit: The Oblivion and finally Bounty Hunter: The Reckoning, all of them with an inconsistent metaplot where the Storyteller had to decide what was canon when the played.

They even amassed enough credits to publish Force User: The Sith War, Anzat: The Republic Dark Age and Republic Dark Age: Mandalorian.

But Bull Rancor really got an infamous reputation when the splatbook Coruscant by Night was published a year before the Clone Wars and that it resulted in mass-stampedes with casualties all over the planet when rabid fans desperately tried to buy the special limited edition copies before the others could. And things didn't get any better when the police forces and the Jedi tried calm things down and it resulted in mass-riots.

Now the end of the Clone Wars was at hand in this timeline...

Heavy isotope music rang through the main office of the CEO who was making out with his petite lover who had him on a leash, courtesy of the dog collar she made him wear. It was a punishment for him dating Kharys, the Majestrix of Skye and Domina Tagge of the House of Tagge two loops ago (Funny thing that Baron Tagge managed to slice him to pieces in a lightsaber duel despite being non-force sensitive the last loop). Not to mention how he had Omega Frosted Darth Vader's Death Squadron in the Hoth asteroid belt in one loop, and then later in another loop done the same to both Death Stars with the help of rigged, camouflaged conductor towers placed on them by space tug.

Sith Keitaro didn't consider himself as crazy as Postal Keitaro, but even he had to admit that he had gone overboard with his extensive usage of Omega Frost to solve most solutions involving enemies (maybe he was picking up Sidious' unhealthy fetish with superweapons). Then there was that one time in one loop where he hijacked the Tarkin with a droid army and later sold it to Tyber Zann who was quite happy for this new toy to play with.

Shinobu pushed him against the desk and started to straddle him, her passionate kiss threatening to overwhelm his senses in ways the dark side of the mysterious energy field dubbed the Force never could. The way she pulled the leash was threatening to choke him though.

He gasped gratefully for every bit of air he could inhale as she released him. "Why do you always have to be so jealous, rice muffin?" he managed to wheeze hoarsely.

"Even if you always bring me harems of nice guys as a tribute of your undying devotion, it will never deaden nor dull my all-consuming passion for you, sempai." She answered frankly with a sweet smile hiding a sinister personality that grew through the passing of countless time loops through various worlds. "Besides – I'm a selfish little girl who wants you all to myself." she also added as a final statement. But she had to admit that Kaoru and Seiji had their good points even though she felt bad for Aoi and Midori whenever she stole them away from them.

The former-brown-but-now-yellowish-and-red eyes behind the square-framed glasses of the Sith Acolyte turned watery. And Shinobu found herself passionately embraced by her fellow looper lover. She had learned a long time ago how to properly ensnare him like the luring voices of the sirens with sweet words that played on his still soft heart underneath all that Dark Side stuff. That this looper version of her Urashima-sempai was so madly in love with her that he transferred her spirit into the awesome hull of a Bolo than see her perish in his arms certainly had made an impression on her. Some loops afterwards that seemed an eternity for them both, they finally managed to clone her body and transfer her spirit into it after bribing Seth Harth with various Sith stuff like Horak-mul's other replacement eye or Tulak Hord's manuals about how to properly train Dashade... and turn them into lethal killing machines doing your nefarious bidding. He still wouldn't part with the remainder of the alcohol that did Elcho Kressh in though.

After having gotten a new vessel of flesh and blood they got dragged into the craziest kind of of adventures with Don-Wan Kihotay around the galaxy. Thankfully the deluded old man believed that Sith Keitaro was a failed Padawan instead of the half-trained Sith Acolyte he was. But who would have thought that with enough subtle training the self-imagined Jedi Knight would be capable of taking on some of the most dangerous Emperor's Hands and Imperial Inquisitors in the galaxy. Even the Shadow Guard had a hard time trying to kill the crazy old coot! And he even joined the Jedi Praxeum to boot!

At least in this time loop they would try to keep a low profile instead of being involuntary troubleshooters and even rake in lots of credits.

Too bad for the two that Jedi Master Mace Windu and his posse consisting of Agen Kolar, Kit Fisto and Saesee Tiin decided to crash the party when they charged into the office.

"Where is the Sith Lord?" demanded the creator of Vaapad and seer of shatterpoints of the two embarrassed figures behind the desk who promptly separated from their passionate embrace.

"Do you have an appointment, Master Windu? Sith Keitaro countered acidly.

"The Supreme Chancellor wasn't in his office," Mace stated straightforwardly, ignoring the Sith Acolyte.

"Either you're on death sticks or spice... or you're mixing up the Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic and a Banite sect Sith Lord who's broken 'The Rule of Two' so many times that Darth Bane's holocron is turning over in its pedestal and wondering if Lord Kaan was right after all. This is a respectable entertainment establishment and not a Sith Temple where sentients paint their heads and babble about the dark side all day long."

"I think he's gone crazy like his ex-padawan and former friend, sempai," Shinobu interrupted with a snide remark. "Vaapad tends to do that with everyone who uses it in the end."

"Good point, Shinobu-chan! The guy's probably overdosed on Vaapad that he's seeing tattooed darksiders everywhere."

Looking over the Jedi Council members, the duo quickly realized that they didn't buy the comedy act. After all Saesee Tiin was good at reading people's mind.

"I suggest you give up the innocent act," Kit Fisto chided them with an amused smile. Keitaro could only guess that someone had left clues that he was a Sith Acolyte.

"Blast it! Why did I have to leave my Sith tremor sword in the closet!" Keitaro swore defeatedly.

Luckily for him his smaller companion wasn't giving up without a fight. Swiftly her arm shot forward, pressing hidden buttons under the desk.

The desk and the occupants behind it were engulfed by a domed energy shield field as a large hidden trapdoor opened underneath the feet of the might Jedi who plummeted downwards into darkness.

"I knew we shouldn't have trusted that wrinkly, old slimeball not to rat us out." Shinobu snarled with gritted teeth after she deactivated the energy shield and closed the trapdoor.

Keitaro sighed. "Yes, you were right and I was wrong. I just hope the pets that crazy Tzimisce gave us will keep the Jedi busy while we head for the Outer Rim."

"If you mean all those war ghouls he flesh- and bonecrafted, who are partly resistant to lightsabers and blasterfire – I think they're pretty much doomed." Shinobu shrugged.

"Yeah, I meant the vozhd and szlachta we're keeping in the lower levels."

They then started packing their necessary stuff and later fled, ignoring the terrible life and death battle of the trapped Jedi fighting against strange monstrosities that made Sithspawn seem nice.

While the two loopers were fleeing for their lives, Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, a.k.a. Darth Sidious awoke in a dark crypt, a newly Embraced fledgeling of Clan Ventrue of the 5th Generation. His Methuselah sire had finally fulfilled his quest for immortality for him, and when the time was right he would thank her by diablerizing her while in torpor in order to increase his power and generation. But for now there was a galactic republic to fully conquer from the shadows. Order 66 would be set into motion as soon as the propaganda of his grisly murder at the hands of the Jedi would be released to the public. Then he would set up a puppet emperor, dissolve the Republic and set up an Empire in its still smoking ashes and in time dissolve the Senate and rule for eternity or until The Final Nights.

How amusing that those two fools had brought the entire World of Darkness into this galaxy from another reality by accident. And how blind of them to only try to reap profit on entertainment when there were so many options to exploit before their very eyes like what the Camarilla and their Masquerade could offer in unlimited power...

* * *

_Author's notes: Well this certainly was another crazy crossover snippet by yours truly. And yes Bull Rancor publishing is a parody/homage to White Wolf publishing who gave us Vampire: The Masquerade. And where's Anakin? He's probably being embraced by a Brujah Antitribu in some dark alley somewhere..._


	49. Gorillas on a Zeppelin

_Disclaimer: I do not own Love Hina, Max Payne, Saint's Row and wacky pulp magazines involving awesome Zeppelins and terrible, gruesome gorillas – as well as Cobra Starship's theme song for Snakes on a Plane and other songs._

* * *

Looper Mayhem!

49.

* * *

_Aboard the Amallan Kaollan. Over the Capital of Molmol..._

"Any more bright ideas?" observed Undercover Cop Naru acidly while reloading both her empty pistols and delivered a neck-snapping roundhouse kick at the one charging over the prone, bullet-ridden bodies of his comrades.

"Beats me," shrugged Cop Keitaro, readjusting his square-framed prescription sunglasses, and introduced the butt of his shotgun into the face of one of Kaolla Su's black-suited goons from Molmol and a few seconds later made a messy work out of another with a well-placed buckshot shell.

"Maybe you shouldn't have delivered those lines from _Thor Vol. 3 # 3 _where the god of thunder talks down Iron Man when she tried putting those rectangular-shaped glasses on you and you backhanded her real good." She continued arguing.

"She deserved it for cryin' out loud! She hunted all of us down, tries to imprison us – Is this how she defines **friendship**!" And emptied his two remaining shells, as he finished the sentence, into more of their would-be Molmolian captors.

They had escaped the reception area, fleeing through internal chambers and large gangways of their floating prison, leaving the other girls behind to ease their flight – or actually keep them out of the line of fire of their roaring rampage of revenge.

When Kaolla Su decided to take those who considered her a friend by force to the Pacific island nation of Molmol, like she did in many loops, how little did she expect that some of her captives were dangerous time loopers to cross, veterans of countless battles who didn't take kindly to any form of **betrayal**. The royal princess' trusted retainers and bodyguards were no strangers to violence, but the sheer savagery and desperation of the escapees had kept them off-balance enough to give the furious fugitives advantage against their sheer numbers, even if their princess had given the green light for lethal force if they had to. But the easiest thing would have been to frisk the girl for the small arsenal she carried in the first place in order to avoid this bloodshed.

The young woman with a worn black leather jacket over her ragged street clothes and the young man with sunglasses, shorts and a black _Clan Malkavian _t-shirt still continued on their murderous path to freedom as they entered yet another corridor... and narrowly avoided a brutal ambush as a barrage of energy blasts with a shootdodge tackle that sent her and her fellow time looper out the entryway and into cover.

"Damn it to hell!" Naru swore viciously. "Not those goddamn Anti-Naru Lasers and Proton Packs again!"

"Welcome to Su-chan's 'Dirigible of Doom'," sarcastically remarked Keitaro, who lay sprawled under her, still gripping the shotgun with both hands. "And please don't go Naru-punching me to next Tuesday yet, we'll have plenty of time after we've escaped."

Naru swore some more as she helped him on his feet again and produced an assault rifle out of her jacket. "Sure, later!"

Entering bullet time mode, time seemed to slow down to all but her as she charged into the gangway again, dodging laser blasts and proton pack blasts alike with ease as her more conventional weapon cut down her adversaries. When her blurry and hazy vision dissipated and time returned to normal – her foes lay still on the metal ground.

"Are you still sore about Su-chan letting her flying gas bags open fire on us while in Seta's plane in the original timeline? Or are you mad that she took you along for the ride this time" Keitaro inquired.

"Gee, whatever gave you that idea?" she replied acidly and ejected the spent magazine, replacing it with a fresh one from her jacket.

"Well, you seem more vicious and bloodthirsty than 'him'." Cop Keitaro shuddered as he mentioned "that person".

"Let's not talk about 'him'! Bad luck happens when you talk about 'him'!" Undercover Cop Naru interjected briskly with a shudder of her own.

"Okay, okay!" Keitaro answered. "But still this isn't as bad as the timeline when she built a hidden missile silo under the Hinata-sou and launched all of her missiles at China, Russia and the United States at the same time by accident!"

"And by the way," Naru added with a sarcastic grin, "You shouldn't accuse me of being 'vicious and bloodthirsty', when you're clearly as guilty as me."

"Touché!"

* * *

The Third Mobile Fleet of the Royal Air Force of Molmol were in quite a disarray as various desperate transmissions erupted from the much larger flagship they were escorting. Reports of gunfire aboard the Amallan Kaollan and the permission to use advanced weaponry to recapture the escaped prisoners, while reports of dead and wounded were rising as the clashes continued.

Even the public staring up at the fleet were starting to worry, their cheer fading quickly.

Too bad the worst was yet to come...

* * *

Having discarded her assault rifle, Naru now wielded a submachine gun, while her partner-in-crime now carried a Desert Eagle. Both also carried stolen parachutes on their backs. Their previous owners needed other things in particular... like an epitaph.

"Keitaro, please stop humming _Welcome to the Jungle _by _Guns N' Roses _again!" Naru snapped in irritation while staring at the looted small map of the gargantuan airship. "I think we should take this turn. We ascend a few ladders, exit the gondola to the inspection shafts or the ridge, cut ourselves through the outer skin of this blimp and jump."

"Only when you stop humming _Midlife Crisis _by _Faith No More_, darlin'." Keitaro remarked mockingly. "But I think that turn leads us to promenade deck we can jump through. And wasn't the outer skin made of metal last time I looked?"

Naru sighed. "Great! Just Great! We're on the run and we still have time trash-talking!"

Keitaro shrugged. "At least you're not feeling any remorse over sending many of Su-chan's goon squads screaming to hell. Getting kidnapped brings out the worst in me, considering all the PTSDs I've accumulated over all those loops dealing with 'him'...and 'her'..." He finished that last word with a shudder of revulsion and horror.

"Yeah, I wouldn't want to meet 'her' in a dark alley," she concurred with a similar felling of inhuman fear bordering on madness.

But unfortunately as they rounded yet another corner of the labyrinthine airship and kicked in a wooden door – they came face-to-face with the royal princess Kaolla Su with a large entourage of her best guards. Mitsune "Kitsune" Konno, Motoko Aoyama with her hair cut short, Kanako Urashima and Shinobu Maehara followed by the pets Shippu and Kuro stood in the background behind the armed host, looking more shocked over what the escapees had been doing. And behind these they beheld windows that led to freedom at long last.

"You didn't think I had another Keitaro radar on me!" Kaolla Su proclaimed triumphantly while waving around her faux Dragon Radar replica, sporting a bruise on her right chin, as her henchmen pointed their pistols at them, waiting for the order to open fire.

"Glad to see you're not holding it against me, Su-chan," Cop Keitaro said, while training his powerful automatic at her. For some reason the two blips on that accursed stalking device was giving him a foreboding of worse things to come.

"Y'know, you've been very, very naughty Keitaro. Hitting one of your bride-to-bes and plugging so many of my loyal subjects!" Her happy amoral smile felt to him like a cat who had finally cornered the prey it would play with and strike at in the end.

"Funny, I was about to say the same thing about you and your band of well-dressed hoodlums." He retorted with a savage smile of his own."And for your information: I really, really hate it when someone I considered a friend abducts me and my friends and tries to impose the gilded cage solution on the whole lot of us."

"I really have a bad feeling about this," Naru quipped as she stood beside him, her weapons aimed at the guards.

"Now, please throw down your weapons and remove those dorky sunglasses and put on those proper glasses," Kaolla Su practically ordered and held up another pair of rectangular glasses.

The roar of a handgun erupted, the glasses in the royal princess hand torn in half by the bullet, leaving her with half of it.

"No." Cop Keitaro simply uttered between gritted teeth.

A firefight would have erupted over the audacity to yet defy the will and whims of the royal princess, but a sudden series of explosions shook the gondola, throwing the occupants of the room here and there with flailing arms trying to reach handholds or shield from hard impact.

(No! No! No! I hope it's not him! I hope it's not him!) Cop Keitaro chanted mentally to himself as lay there, trying to raise himself up again as loud footsteps were heard heading towards them. But the Keitaro Radar which had skidded right in front of his nose said otherwise with one blip closing in on the other.

And in skipped Postal Keitaro, leaping over the two other loopers, a remote detonator in one hand, and a small remote control in another. Cop Keitaro shuddered where he lay, knowing from the look of his other looper self that he was in postal mode.

"Not you again - you psychotic maniac!" Cop Keitaro shouted furiously at his alternate looper self.

"You thought keeping me hogtied in the bedroom and dressing me up in that Molmolian monkey suit and switching my glasses would stop me, Su-chan?" Postal Keitaro ignored his other self completely and laughed madly as he threw away the useless remote detonator nonchalantly.

"Speak of the devil! Looks like 'him' was locked up here in the first place," Undercover Cop Naru joked and trained her submachine gun on the bloodthirsty postal looper instead.

"By all that's holy – two Urashimas!" Motoko Aoyama exclaimed in shock while holding Shippu, who she earlier had protected with her body. Seeing two Keitaros in one timeline with differing personalities and mental states tended to unnerve most people.

"That or the spoiled princess here cloned him – since it's sure as hell not me standing there masked as my brother!" Kanako Urashima commented to the young swordswoman while Kuro stood beside her, trying to conceal her own brand of nervousness and confusion.

Kitsune just looked puzzled, plastered as she was with a bottle of scotch in one hand.

"Auuuuuuu!" Shinobu Maehara starting crying out in fear, panic and utter confusion over a gunslinging Keitaro and a really scary and crazy looking Keitaro with blatant murder in his eyes.

Postal Keitaro pressed his other remote. All the speakers on the massive, armed airship started simultaneously to erupt with music.

"So this is your great master plan? Playing _Snakes on a Plane_ by _Cobra Starship_? You're nuttier than the last time we fought in Steelport." Naru had a puzzled look on her face and lowered her weapon.

"Oh, I assure you that the music is just the signal for attack that I've taught my new, lovely pets, whom I smuggled into the airships cargo hold some time ago before I was caught" Postal Keitaro smirked and pressed another button on the remote.

For seconds nothing was heard through the speakers, but soon a grisly drama was unfurling all around the royal airship.

Inhuman shrieks and howls emitted from throats not human sounded suddenly and increased to an bestial crescendo intermingled with the screams of pain and horror of the crew of the Amallan Kaollan and the occasional sound of the desperate discharge of weapons in utter panic and the grisly sound of people being rent limb from limb in various ways and the sound of devourment followed by growls of satisfaction.

"Considering the eternities you spend through various time loops, you tend to pick up the knack for working a few superscience gizmos like this remote thingie." Postal Keitaro remarked off-handedly as if waiting for something.

And soon something gigantic, dripping blood in its trail, was seen propelling itself with four limbs with ghoulish eagerness from the outer corridor towards the room.

One of the bodyguards glimpsing the creature emitted a terrified scream of revulsion and horror, dropping her pistol to the ground.

It was the stuff of nightmares. It had the shape of a gorilla - yet it wasn't. Taloned nails and tusks stained with newly spilt blood of its recent prey made seem like a demoniac, primordial horror from ages past. And more terrifying was that more of them were following their leader to the delicious feast awaiting them.

"Not to mention how to genetically alter beings like all those gorillas I weaned on human flesh and blood, not to mention shin-bones and marrow." Postal Keitaro grinned demoniacally. "And did I mention how I smuggled more of them into the rest of the Third Mobile Fleet?"

The look of horror on Kaolla Su's face made even Cop Keitaro pity her... a little.

At least the other bodyguard apart from the panicked one reacted properly and opened fire on the sinister simians in order not to end up on the menu.

It was Undercover Cop Naru who took the initiative. "Abandon ship!"

"Way ahead of you!" shouted Postal Keitaro as he charged and crashed through the closest window without a parachute. Being invulnerable, he didn't need one.

"I really hate that guy!" Cop Keitaro snarled.

"Is someone in the need of extra parachutes?" Kanako interupted smugly. "Sure Kuro and Shippu can fly, but I'm sure as hell that we can't." Pointing at an hidden compartment in the room that had been dislodged, spilling out packed parachutes.

"Thanks, sis!" Cop Keitaro shouted, taking his chance to escape again without having to worry about the others as he dove out the shattered window.

"This time I have a parachute!" Naru declared with an accusing forefinger pointed at Kanako before leaping out of the besieged dirigible as well.

Kanako Urashima had a puzzled look on her, wondering if her main rival to her stepbrother's affections had completely lost it more than she already had. And suddenly she realized that she could have faux-accidentally pushed her out of the ship after sabotaging or removing that parachute she was carrying. She smacked her forehead in transparent frustration over the lost opportunity.

"Hey! Come back!" Kaolla Su demanded shrilly, having somewhat regained her royal composure while her trusted henchmen attempted holding the pack of savage man-eaters at bay, who apparently were very resistant to most firearms...

* * *

The Third Mobile Fleet of the Royal Air Force of Molmol found themselves in an abysmal nightmare manifesting itself into flesh as the mighty airship fleet found itself besieged from within by hordes of swarming, howling, carnivorous apes bent on acquiring the human flesh for which they lusted so completely. The screams of dead and dying humans mounting along with the death shrieks of each abomination slain.

The crews fought valiantly enough against these horrors with all the weapons they could manage to muster, but forgetting in their frenzied panic that using explosive devices in the magazine storages and where the artillery was stationed was not the wisest of decisions – things started to to go badly.

Not to mention that the Postal Keitaro had activated various hidden time bombs planted in fuel tanks and magazines that also went off.

And still many of those speakers still played _Snakes on Plane_ as if to maliciously mock them all as death approached, while others transmitted orders from the royal princess to jump out and catch her fleeing captives.

* * *

"For some reason this looks like one hell of a nightmarish, heavy metal tribute to _Led Zeppelin_ album covers." Cop Keitaro observed as burning airships came crashing down on the beautiful capital of Molmol while free-falling alongside Undercover Cop Naru.

"Shut up!" she snapped, feeling sorry for all those poor bastards who were down there screaming in fear and panic as tons of debris rained down on them, and winced as one of the burning war dirigibles crashed into one of the largest fleeing mobs and exploded.

More burning missiles descended like burning comets.

"I'm so going to kill Postal again and again for this!" she hissed furiously.

"Looper team-up?" The more stable Keitaro beside her suggested.

"Sure."

"I pocketed the 'Me Radar' Su-chan made before we abandoned ship for tracking the other me," he added bluntly.

"Good idea, but right now I'm more worried about the guys following us." Naru advised, pointing behind with her thumb.

Multitudes of gun-carrying, loyal henchmen of the royal princess were in hot pursuit behind them, diving out of the doomed airships with parachutes strapped to their backs. Some opted for unleashing bullets at the free-falling fugitives, while others simply dove for grappling.

Unfortunately they should also have paid more attention to the furry, ever-hungry, living missiles diving eagerly after them, resulting in the forceful impact of dozens of writhing bodies in mid-air and the subsequent tearing and consumption accompanied by shrieks, howls and screams.

"I sure hope the next time we loop, we turn up in Steelport again." Cop Keitaro said and pulled out two automatics and twisted, firing wildly at the Molmolians and man-eaters coming after them.

Naru herself pulled out two submachine guns and started firing as well, utilizing bullet-time mode for all that it was worth.

For some reason both of them imagined _No Easy Way Out_ by _Robert Tepper _being played in their heads as they fought for their freedom as well as their lives.

They didn't even have time to watch as the proud Amallan Kaollan was engulfed by fire when the artillery guns exploded , sending it hurtling down like a tremendous fireball...

* * *

_Fic writers notes: After seeing the old pulp magazine cover of Zeppelin Stories for the short story Gorilla of the Gasbags and the few modern tribute art, not to mention having read pulp stories about airships (not to mention having watched Snakes on a Plane years ago), I was kind of tempted to write something really stupid and shocking, and discovered that writing a looper snippet using the manga scenario where Keitaro was shanghaied (or two of them) to Molmol in a giant airship armed to the teeth, could be madly amusing and drawing inspiration from the second mission from the game Saints Row: The Third._

_If there's one thin Kaolla Su should learn it's:_

_a) Never kidnap Postal Keitaro when there's a risk of him going postal and doing all kinds of nasty stuff and is in a Led Zeppelin phase. _

_b) Try putting rectangular glasses on an unwilling Cop Keitaro who has issues against them._

_c) Shooting Undercover Cop Naru repeatedly with Anti-Naru lasers and proton packs through many loops as well as kidnapping her and her close ones will make her carry a serious grudge._

_Funny how many of the accusations Thor levelled at Tony Stark in Thor Vol. 3 # 3 fits Kaolla Su as well, especially during the Shanghai to Molmol arc in the manga._


End file.
